Consensual Nonconsent Explained With Boundaries And Safewords | S5 EP127

CNC can look like chaos from the outside, but the real version runs on structure. I’m Julius Marques, and around the Kinky Kampfire I’m getting specific about consensual non-consent: what it is, what it is not, and why “we didn’t talk about it” is the fastest way to turn a fantasy into harm.

We walk through the foundations of CNC kink and BDSM consent, including pre-negotiation, clear boundaries, and the reality that consent is ongoing and revocable. I also hit a myth head-on: yes, you can have safewords in CNC. Sometimes you keep your usual safeword, sometimes you negotiate a scene-specific word or a safe gesture, but you never remove the ability to stop. We also talk about blanket consent and why I’m cautious about agreements that are too broad to protect people day to day.

From there we get practical: why CNC is riskier than typical play, how confusion and adrenaline can lead to mistakes, and why aftercare matters so much when the headspace ends and drop can kick in for tops and bottoms alike. I compare CNC vs free use, explain why these fantasies are common, and share example scenarios plus the real pros and cons, including intimacy, exploration, and the potential for emotional harm if mishandled.

If you want kink education that’s direct, safety-forward, and honest, press play. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs the clarity, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Source material -  

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202502/rising-interest-in-consensual-non-consent

https://www.naturalcycles.com/cyclematters/consensual-non-consent

1/6/26

1/6/26

Transcript

Welcome Back And Drink Ritual

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Welcome back everybody to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your most exquisite host, Julius Marquise, or just Julius, if you feel in this fancy. Once again, I had another episode for you. Bringing you those facts that you need and some opinions and emotions that you may or may not want. But I will say that everything I talk about on the Round the Kinky Campfire is based on facts. Do with them what you will, but I please implore you to do your own research on the topics that I talk about. Man, before I get into those topics, everybody knows what time it is. I should say the campers should know what time it is. It's time for a drink. It's the ASMR of 5 seconds, and today I have a drink that uh rise with tequila, or spelt similar to tequila, but isn't quite tequila for the YouTube people and the um video people. That's exactly what this is. This is adult beverage. It's a punch. Yeah, it's a punch totally. And it's mixed in with some energy drink and carbonated and non-carbonated stuff, all mixed in there. Once again, not sponsored, but here we go. And three, two, one. So cold. Oh, makes my teeth hurt. Makes my teeth hurt. Okay, I don't even know if that was three seconds, but we'll take it as it is. Once again, not sponsored, but we will take sponsors. I am a whore for everything, including sponsorships. I will sell myself out there for that. Kind of, but not really. Okay, so without further ado, let's get into these topics because the cancers know, and you soon we'll find out. And I tried to get as through as much material and factual evidence as I can within my time limits, and then uh we just move on from there. So we have a topic today. It is called CNC or Consensual Nonconsent or Non-Con for my smut book readers out there and authors, I guess, because they make stories about this uh particular topic. I want to get very specific about this because a lot of people don't know what it is exactly and don't know the specifics of it. So hopefully, by the time you get into this end of this episode, you'll have a little bit more understanding, a preliminary understanding of what CNC is. I know it's a very debated, um, uh very uh man, uh hot topic out there. What is it got uh polarizing, I should say, because a lot of people have had um knowledge of it or and or experience of it, and it was done incorrectly, so says Julius here. And I want to um just get all those stupid misconceptions out of there. Not that I'm saying I'm for or against it. If CNC is not for you, it's not for you. I'm not here to convince anybody. I should say that right now. I'm not here to convince anybody anything. I'm not a debater or anything like that. I just provide facts, and you can uh listen to the whole episode for those facts and my opinions, all mixed all in there. And I'll give my uh experiences as well with the particular thing. Because this is one of my favorite um particular kinks. Almost a fetish. It's getting close to a fetish, kind of sorta. No, yes, I do it a lot, let's just say that. So it's very much on that line of fetish. Something I very much enjoy uh both giving and receiving, and I just want to uh put it out there for everybody that some people like getting it too, and I'm one of those people that like getting it, and I'll talk about it. Uh and hopefully you'll get a better understanding of what I am talking about as my phone reboots on me. Oh, everything just stopped working. Oh, that's great. Oh, everything crashed. Oh, that's great. Okay, so we're gonna reboot the phone. Okay, and we're back. Phone just rebooted, and I went into it there. Okay, so I'm gonna talk about consensual non-consent and CNC. Hopefully, you'll get a better explanation when I'm done. And once again, I will put the source material in the description. Hopefully, I remember for both YouTube and the podcast sites. Okay, so consensual non-consent. Kink or roleplay activity with pre-agreed scenarios that appear non-consensual because they appear non-consensual because you can use a safe word. I'm just gonna say that right now. You can use a safe word when you use when doing participating in CNC. Um, another one could be it's very close to like free use, so a lot of people hear about it as well. There are consensual things, or consent is part of it, and so is negotiation. You can negotiate for these things, you can also negotiate what is uh allowed and not allowed in your CNC uh scenario scene or role play. It's built on trust, negotiated, negotiation, and consent. There's a little bit of trust in there as well. A lot of people like to say, Oh, you can't have safe words and see. Yes, you can. I'm just gonna say that right now. Yes, you can. You can have safe words and CNC. Oh man, this is a very hot topic because once again it is one of my favorite kinks. And also, I will be teaching a class on this soon. So we see how that goes. Key components of CNC. Pre-negotiation bound pre-negotiated boundaries. Pre negotiation. There's a negotiation here. You don't just jump into CNC, crazy people. Don't just jump into it. Have a set of rules and the boundaries, all those kind of things when you're doing CNC. Establish a safe word, establish a start or stop time. This is a role play versus reality type thing. The reality of it is there's no such thing as absolute CNC in there. I should say, consensual non-consent. There's there is or there are boundaries in there. There are rules on CNC. Like people, that's what I should say. The reality of it, it is a role play where you do have put boundaries and rules. It's not just all the time and not pre-negotiated. Stop doing that. It's just dumb. It's just stupid play, is what that is. It's just not safe. Use of safe words can be used. Consent exists before the scene. Yes, before you actually start CNC, that's a whole consensual. Consent is part of the non-consensual. Yeah, with consent is part of it. You can negotiate these kind of things. Forms of CNC. The grape play. Oh, say grape. Grape play slash CNC scenarios. Yes, it is like I don't want it, but I actually do, because we negotiated ahead of time. What is can what is allowed consensually? And the use of safe words. Blanket or meta consent agreements. Okay, so there's a little bit of a disclaimer this this uh disclaimer there. Blanket consent. Now that is another hotly topic hotly debated topic to top it. Huh? Blanket consent. That is consent that is without much detail, just overall throughout the relationship, uh, play, scene, whatever you have going on with your other partners or people involved, I say blanket because it's just overall can overall consent. And I am not too much of a fan of that, because as you know, Julius likes to negotiate everything, everything can be negotiated. So when we talk about blanket consent, it's like, hmm, but what if this happens? What if this happens, or I'm not feeling well that day, and it's like blanket consent, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. It's like, ooh, there should be more specifics. So blanket consent, like, oh, we are doing kink together, or are we doing sex together? Like, that can be that can be like a blanket consent, but please be more specific because there's so much um factors out there in play. Um, in day-to-day life, I'd say hour-to-hour life. Yeah, let's be careful of that. Structured or ongoing dynamics, uh, dynamics uh a little bit different, but you can't include C and C in it, and that would be more so who is able to do the CNC with whom when you're talking about the dynamics part of it, because it is a kink, so you can include it in your dynamic if you so do decide to. Important distinctions, not abuse when consensual. That is the biggest thing about uh CNC and abuse, and I know a lot of people like to categorize them or put them really close together, even though it is not because it is consensual. Consensual meaning that everybody is aware of what is going on and agrees to it. Aware of everything. Don't be doing stuff surprising your partner, and you didn't talk about it beforehand. That's why negotiations are there. Can't just be throwing random stuff in at your partner, in your partner, uh, without them knowing it was about to happen. That is not consensual, that's where you get to the graping. Don't want a whole bushel of grapes. Bushel? Is that what they are? Uh another distinction becomes non-consensual, boundaries are violated, and safe word is ignored. Now, there are different scenarios in CNC where you can have certain words, but that are usual safe words, but they are um not used in this particular case. So you can negotiate different safe words or safe gestures, those are a type of thing as well, because some people are into that, is uh is something you can do. So you can negotiate something specific for that particular scene that you would want to happen or that you're looking forward to, that is not necessarily your usual safe words. There are you can use different safe words in different scenarios or play sessions if you want to. That's something that can happen as well. So some people enjoy that. That is that is one of the fun things where you're not ignoring the safe words, you're just making up new ones that is different uh during that time. Okay, so here we go. Key takeaway C and C is pre-agreed roleplay. So you pre-agree to it, you're not just randomly jumping in and doing who knows what to somebody when they didn't agree to it ahead of time. Uh sexual fantasies are normal, there are different fantasies. Um I know me, I have that rough play tab. When I'm having time to myself, it's one of those things, and it's always great when somebody acts like it doesn't like it, but then they're just kind of like le just leave the business all out there, and it's like, no, but I don't, but it's like you are just um accessible. Let's just say that. You're accessible out there, and it's like, okay, you can run, but you're not running very fast. Uh sexual fantasies are normal, i.e. um uh rough play again. Safety and aftercare are essential, so yes, be sure to ooh, especially after C and C scene. Any kind of long I would say really any kind of like long I say endurance, so like two plus hours if you're in that headspace for that long. Definitely aftercare. I would say aftercare ever after everything. Aftercare after everything. I should make a shirt. Aftercare after everything. Yeah, make everything in capital letters. Okay, I'm I just went into a whole uh creative headspace right there. But make sure you check in with the receiver, your right slash, bottom sub slave, whoever it is that you are doing the CNC with. Make sure you check with check in with them. Um I will say, once you get in that headspace, even as like the usual top of the whole entire thing, it can't you can have a drop as well. Dom drop sub drop is a whole entire thing, not restricted just to dom and subs, but just top drop, bottom drop. That is the thing that happens when you're in this altered headspace, especially when the hormones are flowing, all the different ones, and then you know, a couple, you know, you have a time, and then afterwards, uh that those things, those things are yeah, the they happen. The emotions and yeah, and the hormones, the having those extremely high, and then um having them gone afterwards is something that happens, you should always check in. Check in with each other, actually. Even if you're at the top or the bottom in the authority exchange, make sure you guys check in with each other. BSM overview, erotic interaction with power exchange, I say authority exchange, I just keep foreshadowing. Consent distinguishes it from violence and or abuse or graping. Alright, consent. Don't do things you didn't pre-negotiate with your partner. Do not spring random stuff on them. Yeah, even if you like the whole blanket consent thing, like I'm gonna do this in the future, just not know when. But either way, you just you negotiated, they just don't know when. They negotiated to it. You can negotiate the stuff and not know when it's gonna happen. That's something you can do definitely do. Here we go. Understanding consent again, consensual non-consent must be negotiated. It's how the consent works. It's ongoing and revocable, can be revoked even at the time of happening, right away. It can be immediately be revoked. Be something you agreed upon years and years ahead of time, but right now on this particular day, you revoke that consent. You must, you must, you should be stopping if it gets taken away. Includes check-ins before, during, and after. Always check in, even during C and C. Make sure the person um not necessarily knows what they're getting into, but once they realize what's happening, make sure they're okay with it. I will say that. Especially somebody that's on the top position of most roles, you always want to check in with your right side, right slash, bottom person in all the different roles. Uh, make sure they know what they're getting themselves into. Because you don't want anybody having panicky stuff happening. Yeah, all that kind of stuff just uh just is not good for play. So not good. That's when you get the uh that uh that abuse stuff and the graming stuff. Um risk and complexity. Complexity. CNC is riskier than typical play. That is because there is a form of physical things happening where somebody may or may not act like they don't like it. So that can be very confusing, especially for somebody watching it or coming across it, or even for the people in it, because you get caught in caught up in the roleplay, and some people are really good actors. I'll just say that. Some people are really good actors, uh, giving or receiving. So you just want to check in, make sure that it is uh okay to proceed, especially since there's could be a lot of flailing appendages, something could get smacked. I've been the in the top position, but then I'm the one with the bloody nose. Because an elbow can't flying around, or knee. It hits a very sensitive pair of um outward organs right in the crotch area, and that really is no good. I'm not into CBT whatsoever. Yeah, for the most part. So that was an unavoidable consequence of the interaction, and I did not like it. So just so you know, might want to wear a cup if you are one of those people, or you are those people that have your genital organs on the outside, if you get what I'm saying. Requires planning and experience. Uh, definitely planning. There, you know, you don't have to necessarily have experience. I would say there's some trust built up. I've mentioned that before. Definitely have some trust built up. Don't be doing this with people you just met. People, have some conversation first, have some trust built up. Because I will say I'm talking to people that have never done this before, very new to this, so don't necessarily have the experience. I will say do a little bit of research. You're listening to this podcast now, do a little bit more research on the topic. There are a lot of different uh articles out there as well as videos talking about this. This very sure, I'll confidently say this is not the first time you've heard this term. So hopefully you do a little bit more research. Like I said at the beginning of the episode, do your own research, not just go off of one episode, and um make sure you uh plan with your partner before you engage. Uh okay. When CNC goes wrong, okay, so this is why we do our research and planning ahead of time. Lack lack of stopping mechanism, aka safe word or stop word, whatever it is particular for this scene. Like I said, some people like to use different safe words when they're engaging in an actual CNC scene, and um, because that adds to the role play of it and the fantasy of it all. So, yeah, don't do that, because that could be bad, because you it you one person's done, and then you keep going, and there's some um not just physical stuff that could happen, not just physical consequences. You don't want to mentally mental your partner. Um, do bad mental stuff to your partner. I'll just say that right now, okay? That uh would not be good. And I'm going through this kind of fast here. So, like I said, I'll put the uh source material in the description. You guys keep reading, because I don't have much time left. Okay. Unskilled or unaware partner, once again, do your research. Make sure your partner knows what they're doing and knows the stopping mechanism. Oh my gosh, that's just um again, don't do this with people you don't trust or know very well. I ask of you, cancellors, do not do that. Okay, um, and then failure to recognize the stress, once again, not just mental uh consequences, not just physical consequences, there are mental consequences when this happens. You don't know what kind of backstory somebody has or what uh experience they've had in the past that could trigger something. You don't want to trigger somebody's past stuff in the middle of something that's supposed to be fun. CNC can be fun when you have all these stuff set up ahead of time, okay? Um let's see, CNC versus free use. I mentioned free use before, CNC roleplay involving force dynamics, free use, ongoing consent to initiate. So uh very close uh really related. Free use usually um is uh the initiation part of the whole entire thing. So basically, the one receiving the initiation is usually in CNC kind of like acting like they don't want it, whereas free use they kind of just allow it to happen. Um very close, very closely, um, as far as the the structure of those concerned, because it can happen at any particular time within a certain grace period, or it could just be a blanket thing. But there is a set time where stuff can happen, and the person that is giving um kind of is the one that initiates it, initiates the play. Um, so big thing between free use and CNC. Uh uh allowing quote unquote allowing it versus not liking it, quote unquote. Uh, how common are CNC fantasies? Most people have fantasies. Like I said, there's a whole category on the tabs that I have when I'm by myself. It's called Rough. There's rough in there. Um the there's a bunch of different names, but the big one is rough in in front of whatever it is. Um report interest in force scenarios. You guys remember when I was talking about the Modern Wisdom podcast and uh the popular porn is uh is aggression. Yep, the yep, yep, yep, yep. Mm-hmm. Let's just say in heritosexual world, there's a lot of women that like the force stuff. So um let's just uh not gonna make not gonna say everybody likes it or most people like it, but go ahead and talk to people, you'd be surprised what you find out. Uh and then okay, so yeah, that's uh something I wanted to say. You saw the chart. Uh okay.

unknown 21:31

Yeah.

Scenarios Pros Cons And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Oh boy, these having me some thoughts right now. I say that. Why these fantasies exist? Imagination and sexation seeking, desire for control or surrender, and there's usually no link to mental illness. This is uh that's how common it is that the smart people, the ones with degrees and certifications, say that there's not a mental illness thing. A lot of people have this, it's very normal. Uh, why people enjoy CNC? Power exchange or power or authority exchange dynamics, feeling of surrender or control, emotional psychological intensity. Also, I will say there's something about knowing somebody wants you in that way. Um, I know I enjoy it when I have a partner that makes it very obvious they like doing the stuff with me, all the physical things, and I very much enjoy that, and that is why I am uh willing to be initiated. Let's just say that. Safety practices, use contracts, uh, or some kind not necessarily has to be like a formal uh paper uh contract, but definitely have your negotiations set somewhere that everybody knows what the rules and boundaries are before proceeding it before proceeding ahead. Establish safe words or safe actions, like I said before, communicate properly and practice aftercare. Once again, always want to establish the safe words and also aftercare. Aftercare after everything! Example scenarios, uh role play dynamics, like I said, the tabs, uh kidnapping fantasies, uh the four scenarios, creative storytelling. Yup, yup, and yup. Oh boy, kidnapping scenarios, those are always good. Hello there, person. I've wandered into your house. You look delicious. Mind what big teeth you have. Yep, well, the better to bite your moody with. The whole story bacter. Oh man. Okay, let's see. Uh, so we'll end with the pros and cons of CNC. Can increase the pros and can increase intimacy, encourages exploration, and may help reclaim control. So, what happens is people have backstories, like I said, and if you engage in this kind of practices, it actually can be therapeutic because if you have safe words and safe actions that are respected by a partner, that does help with your mental and helps you reclaim control. Once again, therapeutic, not therapy. Big difference if you have a backstory that needs help, please go talk to one of. Smart people, secret professional cons of CNC risk of inner injury requires trust. I don't know why that was a con, but you have to have that trust built up and potential emotional harm if mishandled and mental harm. Like I was saying before. Okay, I've run out of time, but hopefully, you all learned something today about CNC as I quickly went through it. I do plan on teaching a class, so I'll put that up on the YouTube page at some point when I actually teach that. Gonna be a nice hour plus class, so you have more time for me to give my opinions and experiences with it. Maybe I'll be more specific if that so does help everybody learn something. And definitely if you have any questions or comments, please email me and message me on the social medias and all that there. But that is it for now. I have another enlightening episode for you next week. I am Julius Marquise. This is Around the King Campfire. New episodes on Thursdays, on the podcast stuffs, and YouTube video on Fridays. That's all for now. Hello.