Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

From Newbie Nerves To Kinky Belonging: How Games, Ambassadors, And Consent Culture Lower The Barrier To Entry | S4 EP108

• Julius Marques • Season 4 • Episode 16

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Ever parked outside a munch, heart racing, and turned the car around? We’ve been there, and we built a roadmap for getting past that moment—from the first hello to feeling like you truly belong. With Shannon Elliott joining in person, we trade stories and hard-won lessons on lowering barriers to entry in kink and swinger spaces using playful design, clear consent culture, and smart hosting.

We start with the real obstacles: cliques, jargon, and the fear of speaking first. Then we get tactical. Think wristbands to signal openness, craft nights that make small talk optional, and meta-games that run quietly in the background so strangers have a reason to interact. We outline the “cruise director” role—someone who seeds quick icebreakers, pairs people with shared interests, and keeps the vibe warm without being pushy. You’ll hear how a simple offer like “text us from the parking lot and we’ll walk you in” can flip anxiety into momentum.

We also compare cultures across communities. Kink spaces often have heavier vetting and visible consent enforcement because the activities carry physical risk; swinger spaces lean on personal responsibility and rapid negotiation. We explore how to blend the best of both: posted policies, real-time consent education, and clear accountability that doesn’t depend on personality cults. From punitive versus restorative responses to harm, to who should be doing the vetting, we press for transparency, fair process, and a path that actually protects newcomers.

If you’ve wanted a friendlier entry point—or you’re a host who wants better turnout and safer dynamics—this conversation is a toolkit. Steal the ideas, remix the games, and try the scripts. And if you loved the spark here, help us spread it: subscribe, share with a friend who’s kink-curious, and leave a quick review so more folks can find the fire.


Follow Shannon - https://www.instagram.com/authorshannonelliot?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==


https://smutsource.com/

Got a burning question about kink, BDSM, relationships, and/or navigating the wild world of alternative lifestyles? 

Send in your questions. No topic is too taboo, no curiosity too small! We’re all making mistakes, growing, and exploring together!Submit your questions anonymously at aroundthekinkykampfire@yahoo.com or slide into our DMs at Twitter-KinkyKampfire, YT-AroundtheKinkyKampfire, IG-KampfireKinksters. Let’s keep the fire going! 

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SPEAKER_02:

Welcome to Around the Kiki Campfire. Grab a seat for a drink and let's turn up the heat. This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful, and sometimes wicked world of kink, BDSM, and alternative lifestyles. Whether you're a seasoned player, a curious newbie, or just here for the stories, we've got something for you. Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions, and may even spark a little fire of your own. No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the kinky campfire. Let's get lit. Let's officially start, and I got a funny story for you.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh welcome everybody to Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your host, H.H. Julius, and then I'll come up with a name. But I have a special in-person guest, so they will introduce themselves while I'm grabbing my notes because I forgot to grab them. Who is actually in person right now? Even though you don't have video, you can still listen to it.

SPEAKER_00:

Starting over. Hi, this is Shannon Elliott. Um, I'm here in person, sitting in the same room as Sir H H Julius, and we are doing a podcast today on a lot of things, I guess.

SPEAKER_02:

Hopefully, barriers and everything like that. Yeah, it is fine. Change all the names because I'm gonna be I'm gonna change my name here in a second.

SPEAKER_00:

What's your name today?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I gotta look it up. Tell everybody why you're here in person and we're not on the Discord. This is part of the reason why we're not doing video.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I came to town to visit friends, um, went to the watering hole this weekend, did dinner. My best friend's uh birthday is coming up, and so um I brought her um her just like a ton of presents that I've acquired over the past several months. It took up half my suitcase.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

You know this thing called mail.

SPEAKER_00:

Well I could have gone to the post office, but then I forget and it just keeps acquiring, so I just put it in a suitcase and brought it with me.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh wow. Yeah, that's pretty funny because like the memes now are people are like shipping their luggage when they go traveling because carry-on prices are ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00:

They are.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And Southwest just made it so that you don't have two bags flying free.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, see that.

SPEAKER_00:

Southwest sponsor us or give me free bags.

SPEAKER_02:

Something because yeah, most of those places are like that, even like the frontiers and stuff, because they're cheap, but then they make you pay per thing you carry on. So people actually ship their luggage to places that they're going to ahead of time.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So they have like two sets of clothes, one for traveling and one for when they're at home, and they'll just leave everything a suitcase and ship all that to where they're gonna be, and then they don't have to pay the carry-on fees.

SPEAKER_00:

People do that a lot too with book conventions where it's like they'll either have like the suitcase that they bring, but they'll ship all their books home. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's intense.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Going camping.

SPEAKER_00:

What about camping?

SPEAKER_02:

You said intense.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh. No. I don't go outside. I'm pale.

SPEAKER_02:

Bring it up. Intense, we're gonna go camping. Okay, so uh that's good of you to um not waive the carry-on fees and bring the presents in person. That's good. Yeah, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00:

I am a superior human being.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, congratulations.

unknown:

Thanks.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, officially, my name is Hilario Beans Ramos for this uh episode here.

SPEAKER_00:

Love it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, that's that's who I am. So just Julius or Hilario Senior Ramos, aka Mr. Beans, uh, is my name for this time. Uh, do we want to do the ASMR five seconds?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah. Well I brought drinks specifically for this.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay. Which one are you doing?

SPEAKER_00:

Hold on, we have to open a new one. Ready?

SPEAKER_02:

Ooh. And we're not sponsored.

SPEAKER_00:

But Dr. Pepper, call us.

SPEAKER_02:

And I have um just random good value um drink mixer. Okay. Ready? Let's do this. Oh, that's so cold.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

So cold.

SPEAKER_00:

It's hard to hold a microphone and also a drink, and then also drink the drink.

unknown:

Welcome.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank you. This is a podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. This is what we do. Because usually you have two choices. You could do a table or a desk, and then you're leaning on there, and then sometimes you end up with like bumping it. Or people just do a couch where you do this, and you just sit on the couch, because it's supposed to be more relaxing on a couch.

SPEAKER_00:

It is very relaxing. You have a very comfy couch.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you. Taking many naps on this couch. And then this is your option when you come back. If you want to stay here right here. That's where everybody stays. Yep. Family will be here during Christmas staying right here.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh holidays are coming up.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, yep. That's what happens. Very nice, very nice. Uh, what was I talking about before that? Shoot.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, you said barriers, and my brain immediately went condoms.

SPEAKER_02:

So yeah. See, we're tangenting all over the place. This is great. Uh yeah, podcasts. If you're on a couch, usually sit back. If I do this more frequently, then probably get those mic stands. But right there is where I've done the video thing. Oh, yeah. So that's why I did all that. So you're sitting right there.

SPEAKER_00:

So Oh, I'm the star of the show today.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. If I had a camera, um, it's harder to do both.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_02:

But uh, yeah, uh camsters. If you checked out the video podcast, that's where Shannon is now, sitting where I was sitting. So you get some of a visual, but this is just an audio episode for now, so no video on Friday. Okay, official topic. What are we talking about? Somebody somebody texted me a topic to talk about. It's kind of funny because it's it's similar to what I talked about in the last episode that y'all heard.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I may have been listening to that.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. I know. Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

We're taking up podcasts now. New hobby.

SPEAKER_01:

All right.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, so I had the I've been thinking about this for a while, but then you were talking about it a little bit on the last episode. Um, but I, after our last podcast episode, I started to go to more events in my local community. That's right. And so I have always like had very strong opinions about a lot of things. But it was very interesting because I've been thinking a lot about like barriers to entry to the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02:

Barriers.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, yeah. You gotta put on that like sheath or whatever when you go outside, that armor.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you just go in raw. Everybody likes going in raw. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Just dive in, slip in there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, and then you have a pie at the end.

SPEAKER_00:

There we go.

SPEAKER_02:

Nice creamy pie.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you like coconut cream pie or a different kind?

SPEAKER_02:

Ooh, I'm a nut pie person. I like nuts.

SPEAKER_00:

Like pecan pie?

SPEAKER_02:

Sure, yeah, nuts. I like nuts too.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_01:

That was so good.

SPEAKER_02:

I like a good nut pie. Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

That went straight over my head. Kept going.

SPEAKER_02:

See, Shannon, what happens is when you milk a nut, then you can get nice cream out of it. Yep. Almond milk.

SPEAKER_00:

Pecan milk.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. Caramel. Another kind of milk. The cashew milk.

SPEAKER_00:

There we go. I'm allergic to cashews.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you can't have that.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

You gotta keep your nuts clean. Yeah. I mean, anti-nut, non-al allergic nuts.

SPEAKER_00:

Otherwise, it's gonna kill me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Some people are actually allergic to literal semen, which is sad too. Allergies are everywhere.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Anyway. I was thinking a lot about barriers to entry to the lifestyle, and so then I was like, yo, Julius, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

And now we're here.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. So to recap, you were talking about Oh, wait, what? What capping? What are we talking about? Giggled. That was another nut joke.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. Re- re putting the barrier on. Okay. I'll get there. Alright, so what happens is you go to a new place and people look at you funny and they don't talk to you. We're talking about nowadays in general.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So for the the camsters, we just talk in generalities. In general, from our experience, when you go to somewhere new, people don't talk to you because they're a bunch of introverts. It's good they got out, but there's still a bunch of introverts.

SPEAKER_00:

It does take a lot of courage to like go out into the world sometimes.

SPEAKER_01:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

So like I don't blame people for like being a little timid or shy or whatever.

SPEAKER_01:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

But I also think that like, especially in kinky spaces and like queer spaces and swinger spaces, it's really important for people to like the regulars to recognize how difficult it is for newbies to come out, whether it be the closet or the club.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

And so like you gotta kind of like usher people in, let them know what's going on. Like, I know that like for me, going into like specifically the swinger lifestyle, if I hadn't had one person in particular in my life be like, hey, you should come out, I would have never come back. But instead, it's like they really took me under their wing, and six months later I ended up working at the club, and I've been working at the club for over two and a half years now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And it's funny because this kind of relates to our conversation from last night about how people just kind of are at places on a regular basis and they just don't welcome people in.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Even though they right by the door. Cliques are introverts. I will say I started going to this one, it was a vanilla social meetup.

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

Which I have another story on that. I was supposed to tell you a different story earlier, and I forgot what the other story was.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

Uh but the new club, the new the new group that I go to is actually active. They have stuff all during the week. But the leader of the group specifically said, if you are stuck in your car and you're too nervous to go out, we will send somebody out to the parking lot to get you. Oh because she was like, Me and it, myself, and then there's been multiple people that say, Oh yeah, me too, get to the parking lot and just turn around and go home because it's too much to get out of the car and go to the thing. And I was like, I told the leader person, I was like, that is so nice of you to say that on there, because I've done that myself many times. Me, Julius. Get to a place and then turn around and go home and not get out of the car because the nerves are too much. So the fact that after all this time I've been in Orlando, and uh that's the first time I saw a leader say that was pretty nice. So there's people going out to the car and getting people and bringing them in. Because yeah, there's uh a lot of new people in that group, but they're very social, which is nice, and they actually everybody usually says hi to everybody in there, which is different. Usually they're just looking at you.

SPEAKER_00:

There's one group that I um go to some of their events, and there's like a monthly event that they host, and the leaders of the group always organize like a meet and greet icebreaker activity towards the beginning.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So like sometimes it's everyone gets a different color wristband, and you have to go talk to everyone who like all the orange wristbands get together and they have to introduce themselves to each other. And then like the purple wristband group gets combined with the orange wristband group, so they have to like talk with new people now, and then like eventually it just becomes one big group and everybody meets like new people, or like last time it didn't work very well because the instructions were unclear, but we did like a speed dating thing where it's like people went table to table and we just met new people. It was great.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you just gave me an idea.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02:

So you're you're in my place and you saw the board game collection.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god, yes. Yes, I I love where this is going.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so we okay, so break it down, and I forgot again another tangent. So we're leaving like three branches open. This is number four now. Keeping track of the ones we keep forgetting. So when I go to a board game convention or a board game house, it is easier to interact with people because we just get into a game and then people will be like, alright, we got room for two more. Anybody just ran? So then you end up talking and be like, all right, my name is So it's like in-for social interaction.

SPEAKER_00:

This is my thing!

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. So if you want to meet around random people, go to a board game thing. Um, we are very much snobby though, because if it's like we play a board game, you don't understand the rules, we'll look at you funny, because it's like some games are really easy. So there's a learning curve there. But if you don't even get like the little tidywinks type game or like a monopoly level game, we will we will we will judge you. Yeah, the snobs will. Not everybody, just me.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that translates a lot to like the kinky world where it's like there's like a really intimidating and high barrier of entry to a lot of these events. Like, munch is not a word that everyone understands, correct? And it's not like like you have to know the language in order to realize what it is, but like then you go and you don't really know how to like act or whatever. Yes, sir Julius.

SPEAKER_02:

You're doing co-works, yes, cohorts. Because that was uh so with the board game thing, thinking of icebreaker ideas, there is a board game that is good for icebreakers. Okay, so let me let me let me do this here. How do I explain this quickly while doing it? So everybody's playing games. Yes, we're playing all these games, yes. So imagine there's like five of these games out on the table.

SPEAKER_00:

Which by the way, he has a lot of games. They're on the floor.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Ugh, yeah. We talked about it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a Pegasus, that's cool. What the that one with the red and the blue and the sword guy bonfire. Oh it's a Pegasus on the corner.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. That's the name of the game company.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

That's the game company. They're Pegas 5.

SPEAKER_00:

Sponsor us. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, is that gonna get a board game company to sponsor me? Oh my god. There is a review thing. Okay, we're tangent. So, um guys, it gets worse in person. Somebody came so here's the thing. There's a very nerdy person that came up with a board game where while you're at a specific game night, you play this game while the other games is going on. Oh. And throughout the whole 8, 10, 12 hours, because that's what we do when we play board games.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, it's like DD. Okay, moving on.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, another tangent. Uh the point is you're supposed to play this board game throughout the night and then figure out who the winner is after the board game session. Oh. But it's like little things where you have to go up to a random person and get them to shake your hand. So it's like hidden agenda stuff. Yeah. That sounds fine. So yeah, while somebody's distracted by the game, you're supposed to be like, oh yeah, good job. High five. Write that down. I got a high five throughout the night. Or to get somebody to tell you their middle name or something like that. So I'm thinking I'm gonna find that game, and for social events like munches, yeah, people who want to play can play. Yeah, we put a wristband or something like something that says, I'm playing this game, and throughout the night I'm probably gonna come fuck with you. Because if I tell you to give me an ET phone home finger, then you're not gonna be like, What the hell? Yeah, E.T. Phone home. The kids don't know what that is anymore. Uh then they'll know, oh, they're playing the game, and then okay, but then it'd be like you have to introduce yourself and say something one thing about you. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It's kind of like collecting pebbles, collecting information about people, and then like you have a collection at the end of the night, and they have a value.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And then there's a winner. Yes. I love a winner.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Not everybody is as competitive. They actually want to get out and know people. But the the singles event that I host, I was saying that like if you int whoever introduced themselves the most to people and then gets like a little fact about them, you get a winner and you get a free drink and a free snack.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_02:

So I'm thinking something like that for munches, though.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, like one of the groups that I'm a part of recently started a craft night, which is a really great thing. It's basically a munch, but we just call it a craft night instead. You show up either with your own craft or they sometimes like have like coloring books or just something else that you can do. You sit down, you can talk to people, or you cannot, but it's just like a chill night where like everyone gets to hang out, but we have this like common thread that like brings us together.

SPEAKER_01:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

And so, like, it's just like a really easy way to like introduce people to the community without the pressure of like lifestyle terms.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. I wish, yeah, I wish we could do that. Because I know for me, if it's just a munch at a restaurant, that's harder for me than like let's everybody go bowling tonight.

SPEAKER_00:

I love a good activity.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I do better with activities. It does it doesn't always transfer into social interaction, though, because sometimes like we have one at a skating rink, but everybody's like focused on skating, so you don't really end up talking to people a little bit. Can you play tag? That see, that's the thing with the the games.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So you have the icebreaker games.

SPEAKER_00:

So basically everything's gonna become a game now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, because that's how you get through the uh escape velocity. That's a trip, that's a the buzz that's the the buzzword? The buzzword escape velocity because we were talking about that, and we were talking about a capacity for change. Yeah, and then escape velocity, yeah. That's another thing that um psych psych the smart people talk about because you have to be motivated to change. So, what's gonna motivate you to get out of your shell, either get out of the car, or when you get there, introduce yourself to people. A lot of people it's competition.

SPEAKER_00:

A lot of people it's competition. Loneliness may be the reason, but competition will get you to action.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. Otherwise, you're just gonna sit there and not say anything. Yeah. Because it's hard to talk to like 10 people.

SPEAKER_00:

But then also, like, there's people like myself where it's like I do enjoy getting to know people, and like I feel like I am like a little information collector. I like meeting people, learning about their thing, and then like butterflying to the next person and being social. Yes. And I think that you also need people like that, hair flip, um, in the lifestyle to be able to like kind of make those connections between people where like you need ambassadors, social ambassador who can like go and introduce people to each other. You need people who are willing to like take a risk to like delve into who someone is um so that you can figure out like where they fit, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, uh, there are some places that have that. The only breakdown I've seen from my personal experience is the person will do that and then be like, Alright, so you two have this in common, go talk, and then it's just like uh, and then they'll leave. And it just gets even more the awkwardness goes up even more because it's like, oh, you have this thing in common. Yeah, I've had friends do that too. It's like, oh, Julius likes biting butt. They like their butt beeping, you guys get together and sit next to each other. It's like, okay. So you just like sitting in a booth next to each other, and like this is awkward. I see what y'all did there because we're attracted to each other, but then we don't know how to talk, and it's like, uh, can I just get your information and we'll talk later? Bye. Yeah, so then it ends up being like that. That's why I like the uh the icebreaker thing, because at least you're like focused on something, yeah, and then you can kind of um talk that way because it's like, oh, we're very very competitive. Oh, by the way, do you even like touching? And it's like you kind of monkey branch into that, and it's interesting.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So yes, do need a social ambassador, but it'd also be like, okay, play this game so you guys aren't focused on the awkwardness between y'all.

SPEAKER_00:

So what you need is a cruise director.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Oh man, it's almost like we talked about this. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00:

Because cruise directors are in charge of making the activities, making the games, and then they're also in charge of facilitating those atmospheres to make sure people mingle.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. This is why I like cruises because they always have a opening night thing and then the mid thing. Do you do you know cruises? Do you know the typical games they have on cruises? No. Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Shuffleboard?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh no. Bachiball? No. No, no. We're not talking about that. Okay. We're talking about like the newlywed game. This is a common game on What is the Newlywed game? This is great. I can't believe you don't know about this. I can't tell you about this. So it's usually on like the third or fourth night of a cruise, or like second to last day if it's like a three-day cruise. They have newlywed games. So they find a newlywed couple, so less than six months.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

And then they find a couple that's been married from like two years to ten years.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

And then they find a couple that's been ten plus years. And then they play like the newlywed games with like the dry race boards where like, oh, what's your spouse's favorite game?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, where they like guess different facts about each other.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

And they get them wrong.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. But there's also the part of It's adult-only gay because they ask, like, one question that's always funny is like, if sexual activity was a currency and like blowjobs and under or hand stuff was$500 and actual sex was a thousand dollars, what would be the monetary value of the activity that you've had up to the third or fourth night whenever this thing is? And some people are like, oh yeah,$10,000. And some people are like, uh$500 or like zero. Yeah, because like the newlywed couple sometimes it's their honeymoon or something like that. So they're like, oh, zero. But then everybody's like, ten thousand is only the fourth day. What were y'all doing this whole entire time?

SPEAKER_00:

The ten thousand is clearly on a swingers cruise.

SPEAKER_02:

No, this is like carnival. Oh, wow. Yeah, but here's the thing is there's an adult deck. Do you know about the adult deck? No. There's an adult only deck.

SPEAKER_00:

So no children.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct. Nice. And then also some people have balconies.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And you know about balconies.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like you're giving me a look and I know less things.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm wondering how far I'm I'm seeing how far you know. So the thing is, the urban legend is you're not supposed to have sex on the balcony, even though people have, because there's security cameras out there, because the P the cruise people know people have sex on the balcony, and then supposedly you can get sent down into the brig because cruise ships actually have brigs.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

And then you can be banned from the cruise, but people still do it because people horny.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But always it's funny because the newlywed couple, they it just happens this way. It's always weird. The newlywed couple are all shy, because of course. Yeah. And the middle people are they're just kind of like, eh, whatever. But it's always the older couple that are like, oh yeah, we had sex on the adult deck, we had sex on the balcony. We've been cruising because there's like different color of uh like cards that you can get. So like the older people are like platinum level. It's like, yeah, old the older couples are usually ones that have like cruised forever, and it's like, oh yeah, we had sex on this boat like 10 times. We had sex on this boat all the time. That thing about the balcony is bullshit. We had sex out there all the time, and it's like, oh, so it's always funny, but it always ends up working out that way.

SPEAKER_00:

I need to witness this game now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's a great game because I like watching it every single time because you always hear crazy stories, and then there's one point where the older couple will give the newer couple like um uh advice. So during during in the middle of the game, the cruise director is like, Okay, sir, for the the newlyweds over here, you got any advice for the the husband of the thing? And the guy's like, just say yes every single time. She's always right. But it was funny because the last time I went, the couple like it the older couple had been married for like fifty plus years, and then they were each other's first kiss, and of course, everything else.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So they had been together for that long.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so it's always interesting to hear the story, even though I don't believe in marriage. The camsters know this. But the people that make it work like that, and then they can still stand each other on a cruise for five, six, seven days or whatever, it's always fun to watch. But this is a standard thing in um in uh cruise ships, at least with Carnival. I don't know about the other ones yet, because I I've only been like on one other one. But every time they do Carnival, they always have this game and always try to make it because you always hear some crazy stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, one couple was like, Yeah, we just came from the adult deck. We do we a thousand bucks right there. Dang, it's only nine o'clock. It just got dark. What are y'all doing? But yeah, some people just Yeah, yeah. You gotta when you go into the adult deck and you're in the little in the little thing, bring a towel. You don't know who was in there before you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you don't know what's on the couches.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. Even though there's supposed to be cameras and stuff like that. It's like I don't even know how y'all get it in because if you've been up there, and some people might know, but there's like a cover thing, and then you can't really see from the outside, but you can kind of see, like, you'd have to be super quiet to be able to get it, get it in there. Super quiet, super quick.

SPEAKER_00:

So these are not activities for me.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, for now, I mean you can do it, but now that we have so many kinky cruises, that's true. You could do that too, but still there's some people that don't know about the kinky cruises, and they've just been doing those cruises for so long, they just like Fight.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

At that point, it's like if I get banned, you've already been on like 50, might as well just keep having sex on the balcony.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Well, that's the thing, is like talking about barriers to entry, it's like there's things that people just don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

And so they end up doing it in like slightly more vanilla places, which is like becomes a consent thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But like, if you like, if you don't know about FetLife, how does one find events on FetLife? Because a lot of people they only post them there because of like privacy concerns and things like that. A lot of the like lifestyle cruises and the kinky cruises, it's like they use such specific terms to get around like search engines and things like that, that it's like, A, there's some people who run into them and they're like realize later what it is, and they're like, Oh, I'm on the wrong cruise. And then there's other people where it's like they would love something like that, but then they end up on a vanilla cruise doing kinky shit. And I'm like, Well, I'm glad you're having fun, but you could have more fun over here. Yeah, they have an orgy room, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And you can just be naked in the public areas, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I mean I want to go to a news dress resort someday.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, speaking of, do you know about hedonism?

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I didn't know that was going on since like the 90s. I was very upset when I first heard about this. I'm like, the whole island? The whole island. I'm like, fuck. How did I not know about this? Well, I was underage at the time, but still, I didn't know about it until like my 30s. And then you you know, they have classes there. We could teach a class.

SPEAKER_00:

We could go legit, do things in person.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, and then teach a class. This is all all bucket list life goals type stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

We have weird life goals according to some people. I know, but that's so fun.

SPEAKER_02:

And I tell people this all the time, and they look at me crazy. I tell my improv friends because they know about all the different things, and I'm like, yeah, my goal is to host or event director or crew, whatever it is, at the whole entire event. I just want to be the MC and bounce around and like teach a class. But cruise, hedonism, or I was gonna say fire festival, but uh uh some kind of festival. Yeah, but like the what the big leather convention in Europe, the biggest one that's over there. Oh, I'd love to be just the whole weekend just hosting things and then have icebreaker. Oh see, this is stuff we need to do. This is stuff. I'm gonna get a team of people that just like going around and we could have like icebreaker events because a lot of conventions don't have that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Tours and stuff, be like, oh, this place, you know, specific events, like in this hotel, you need to go here because that's where you can get you make your thousand dollars.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Get that money.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I was talking about the sex thing from the case. Yeah, I know. Okay. You get that money?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah? Barriers. No barriers.

SPEAKER_00:

No barriers. Nut milk.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

As a person who drinks nut milk, I like will never be able to look at a carton of almond milk anymore and like think the same thing. Yeah, yeah. What are we sitting there making muffins, going, God damn it, Julius?

SPEAKER_02:

Nice and creepy. Milk that nut, make it creamy. There you go. Yep. This was oh. I just want to sit and dream about this for now. Anyways, back to events. Okay, real world. Real world events. So tell me. Oh, we got like another 10 minutes left. Perfect. Tell me what's been so when we first started talking about events, you said you were going to TNG and other stuff. So what what's happened now? What have what has your eyes and wisdom have brought you now with all the experiences and mistakes and learnings and everything?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh gosh. I feel like there might need to be a part two.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

I know. Wow. Well, I mean, like, I've I'm newer to the lifestyle, um, especially like community-wise. Like, I've been living it for longer than I realized there was terminology for it. But like, I've been in swinging spaces, I've been in polyamorous spaces, I've been in kinky spaces now, um, more often. And like, there's so many different like levels that groups use to try and vet people. And there's a lot of questions around like, okay, well, how much do you need to vet someone to allow them to be part of the community? So, like, swinging, I just walked into a club and had someone like said hello to someone, and then now like I've been working at a club for like years now. And then on the other hand, like there's groups um, and like specifically kinky groups, that like I've gone to multiple munches and multiple events, and then I have to do an application and like submit that and get it approved by a board of directors in order to be able to go to like their events and stuff, and I have to go to certain kinds of events with sponsors, and I'm like, holy cow, if I'm gonna get fucked, it better be fun, but like this is painful.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, speaking of pain, oh that's the biggest difference is usually you're doing painful stuff rather than fucking stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So then people take it and jack it all the way up, so with the vetting and uh yeah jacket, yep, jacket sometimes, and sometimes you just that's all you're doing is just jacking it with no it's called orgasm denial. Anyways, yeah. Uh I've had similar experiences because I came from the kink side and went to the swinger side and like, oh, these people are just touching everybody, and just anybody can just alright, they fucking yeah, yeah. So with the kink stuff, it is because it's more physically harming, you're hurting people for fun and consensually. Yeah, so that thing takes a whole different thing, and I just know I don't know the severity of the consent stuff. Let's just say C V is taken more seriously in the kink world than it is in the swinger world. I don't know if it's just like not as reported as much, but when you're binding people up and you're spanking them, people take consent a lot more seriously. And if there's a issue C V then um you kind of get ousted from the community. Yeah. I've never really seen that in the swinger thing, but I know it does happen at times. It just seems like the the consent walls and like personal bubbles are less.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, like I think in kink spaces, there's very much a community aspect to adhering to consent policies and things like that, versus in the swinger spaces, I've seen more like consent models where it's like personal responsibility based, where it's like, well, it's my responsibility to make sure I'm safe and like doing things with testing and making sure comfort levels are met and things like that. Um but I do think also like you were talking about with C V, it's like there's a different model of how those like issues are dealt with. And I get into conversations with some people sometimes about punitive justice versus restorative justice and like how punitive justice is when people are ousted from the community, and then restorative justice is like you're trying to repair that relationship, maintain their contact, things like that. And sometimes one works and sometimes the other works, and sometimes one is necessary and the other isn't. But it's like you have to kind of as a community decide what those lines are, and I think in kink the line's been drawn in one place, and in Swinger Spaces, the line's been drawn in another.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, good luck with fucking restorative justice because people move away. That's what happens here in Central Florida, and then they find a new community. Yep. I've had some friends that that's what happened, and it's like they got no second well, I don't even know how many chances they got, but they got no redemption. Yeah, they're fucking gone. And hopefully their job and their family weren't notified, or even though that's happened as well, and it's like, damn. Yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, people get get get ousted. My little two little things with that is when you're doing the vetting, and I've known this in the kingy community, is like, who the fuck is doing the vetting? And they come to find out that person had a C V.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And it's like, what the fuck are we doing? So the second part is that personal responsibility thing is when there's a we had a big issue earlier in the year. Kind of talked about it before on on here and then in real life, but it's like the people that are doing the putting people out on blast are sometimes the the worst perpetrators, yeah. And it's like, where's the personal responsibility? Why are you letting somebody else be do your personal responsibility? So that's my biggest gripe with the kink community versus the swingers community is people are just not taking their own personal responsibility. It's like everybody that was listed, they had some creepiness with them. I per I purposely stayed away from this person, and it's like you couldn't tell this person was creepy at least a little bit and decided to do something, and then you get mad because owners places people that run establishments are blamed for stuff, and it's like I understand that happened on their establishment, but where was your personal responsibility in this whole entire thing?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there's like a certain level of community policing has like a place and like community monitoring has a place, but like if people don't take personal responsibility for their community, then nothing's going to change about people who are causing harm.

SPEAKER_02:

That and then a personal responsibility for themselves too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Like if you can't admit that you fucked up and admit that you need like help or need to change again that capacity for change aspect, like then it's just gonna keep happening. And in those instances, like I think there's a real need for conversations about like, does this person belong in these spaces anymore? Because clearly they don't want to change, they're not going to, and they're harmful to the community. So, like okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and then you move to a different state. It's hard, don't want to blame the victim, but there's yeah, there's some things it's like, why would you fucking do but also being on the aspect, I I I don't do pickup play and I don't do hookup stuff, so I don't have that urge. So I'm like, I'm totally fine just like chatting and then doing something on a later day.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Some people they they specifically want to do something that day, and they came there for that. But it's like if I get any weird vibes from you, I'm not I'm just not, and then we do a couple more tests to see if there's any weird stuff going on. Yeah, but yeah, there's a sense of urgency with some in some circumstances, so there's that too.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, like when I demo top, there's like people who have never experienced things before, and so it's like I want to give them a good experience, and like I go through like a mini kind of negotiation with them and kind of set expectations and whatnot. Um but then like you don't want like I want people to be able to experience things, but at the same time, it's like if I was gonna be like actually taking like a submissive or taking a DOM, like there's a whole different process that I do. Um, and so it's like with that, I like to take my time. But there is fun in like having kind of like spur-of-the-moment encounters or like little scenes or whatever.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll take your word for it.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, we are different people, and that's the beauty of the community is we all operate differently.

SPEAKER_02:

Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll I'll watch.

SPEAKER_00:

That's also fun.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes. Okay. So yeah, the uh man. Sounds like we got a lot of planning on the drawing board. We added more stuff to the drawing board now.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I'm gonna have to listen to this episode again just to pick up on all the loose ends.

SPEAKER_02:

I gotta find I gotta find that game for you so we can adopt it into the real world.

SPEAKER_00:

Or just like everywhere. We can add it to the podcast too.

SPEAKER_02:

The game?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

The iceberger game?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you can make it like bingo and be like, how many times can I get Julius to say XYZ?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh.

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

See? You have guests on, and it's like, how many times can I like get them? How many times do they say fuck? Each time is a point.

SPEAKER_02:

I'd rather just turn it into a drinking game at that point.

SPEAKER_00:

That's fun too.

SPEAKER_02:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

Where's the tequila?

SPEAKER_02:

I know. Have you ever played Drunken Sh uh Shoots and Ladders or Drunken Candyland? It's a great time.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I haven't picked up Candyland in a long time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, turn into a drinking game. It takes a whole new meaning to candy. Yeah, candy shots. Yeah. Each little thing's. Yeah, I I like I'm a social drinker, so when you start doing drinking games, then I'm then I'm fun for it. I'll I'll usually sip if I'm by myself, but it's like, let's turn it into a drinking game. And then everybody's like, Oh yeah, I don't want to do that because I get too drunk. But I'm like, that's the whole point.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You want to get wasted.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then you want to nap on someone's really comfy couch.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. That.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm here for that.

SPEAKER_02:

We have more thoughts now. You just added more there. Just there. You added more.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_02:

I was just talking about social events.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like we were chatting and having a good time. I know. We get along. Oh. How dare.

SPEAKER_02:

We just keep we we keep it's the one plus one equals five thing.

SPEAKER_00:

See, this is what happens when I disappear from the podcast for a year.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah?

SPEAKER_00:

I come back and now it's just like you're gonna keep me around, I guess.

SPEAKER_02:

All the different things, and you're gonna move to Florida.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

unknown:

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00:

If certain people had their way, yeah, I would.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, see? That's what I'm saying. You got more you got multiple reasons now.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And then we can we can start a whole social network social icebreaker company where we go to everybody's social events and we make icebreaker games and stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Have you ever played boop?

SPEAKER_02:

Nope.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I'll have to show you that one. It's like a game with cats. They jump on bats.

SPEAKER_02:

I booped cats and and dogs. And sugar gliders. And sugar gliders. Yes, I booped, I booped sugar gliders.

SPEAKER_00:

Very cute.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I booped this stuff. So I I have played boop.

SPEAKER_00:

There you go. We can use it as an icebreaker.

SPEAKER_02:

Boop the snoop.

SPEAKER_00:

Boop the snoot.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

unknown:

Alright.

SPEAKER_02:

So this is the end of this episode. Uh is there anything you wanted to plug? You got anything?

SPEAKER_00:

I had a book come out in September, but we already kind of talked about that one.

SPEAKER_02:

You still do it. It's still on sale, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean it's still on sale. I have a book. Well, I have a bunch of books, but my pen name is Shannon Elliott. I had a book come out in September called Cherished. They're getting new covers. It's very exciting. Yeah, see? We're we're excited. Actually, y'all are the first people to find out that they're getting new covers. So I know. Yeah. That'll happen at the end of this month.

SPEAKER_02:

We got news, we don't even do news. Uh do we want uh what about uh do you want to do smut stuff? Do you get any smut stuff you can promote or something like that? No? I don't know. I was kind of paying attention last night. Sources and stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. So there's this really cool resource called Smut Source. Um, and it is basically a database of like articles and things that people have written about different topics within like the kink world. And so recently someone wrote one about like what it's like or their experiences with being single in the lifestyle. We have things on like, I mean, consent's always gonna pop up and like just all sorts of different topics, and we're building it out, and anyone can go to I think it's smutsource.com and find more info.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I gotta write that in my notes. Okay. All right. And then Camsters, as y'all know, we try to put these new episodes of Around the Kinky Campfire on Thursdays, and then sometimes there's a video on Fridays, uh, around noon Eastern time on both days. Go to the Instagram. Y'all heard about it in the intro and in the outro, and then send me an email at the Yahoo's if you want. Uh, and then check out the YouTube channel. That one I don't know if I put in there, but there's YouTube channel as well around the kinky campfire. But that is all for now. I am um uh uh something something Ramos uh Hilario Beans Ramos. That's what it was. Hilario Beans Ramos, or just Julius, and I'm with Shannon Elliott. And that's that's it for now. We'll see y'all later.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, bye.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast. We love having you by the fire, and we'd love to hear from you. Got a kinky question, a steamy story, or a topic you want us to cover? Slide into our DMs and send us a message at AroundTheKinky Campfire, Campfire with a K at yahoo.com. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening. Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing. Follow us on Twitter, Kinky Campfire, Campfire with a K, YouTube, Around the Kinky Campfire, Campfire with a K, or Instagram, Campfire Kinksters, Campfire with a K. To stay in the loop, join the community and keep the kink alive between episodes on Thursdays. Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy, and keep that fire burning.

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