From Anxiety To Aftercare: Navigating Scene Headspace In Kink And BDSM | S4 EP105

We dig into headspace before, during, and after scenes—how nerves shift into focus, how communication sets the tone, and how aftercare steadies the landing. Along the way we share real talk on public vs private play, music, flow state, consent, and post‑scene drop.

• defining headspace as mood, intention and attention 
• pre‑scene planning and capacity checks 
• private vs public play differences and timing 
• warm‑ups, calibration and toy order 
• consent, boundaries and calling a scene 
• music and rhythm to support flow 
• aftercare plans and negotiating needs 
• recognizing and managing drop 
• debriefing and iterating for next time

Got a kinky question, a TV story, or a topic you want us to cover? Slide into our DMs and send us a message.
Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening. Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing.
To stay in the loop, join the community and keep the kick alive between episodes on Thursdays. Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy, and keep that fire burning.

Chapters

• 2:18 Welcome And Show Updates
• 3:31 Today’s Focus: Headspace
• 5:42 Pre‑Scene Nerves And Prep
• 10:02 Private Vs Public Play Mindset
• 12:52 Communication And Calling A Scene
• 15:01 Aftercare, Drop, And Follow‑Ups
• 18:32 Music, Rhythm, And Flow State

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:37

Welcome to Around the Kinky Campfire. Grab a tea or a drink. Let's turn up the key. This is the podcast where we explore the wild, wonderful, and sometimes wicked world of kink, BDSM, and alternative lifestyles. Whether you're a seasoned player, curious newbie, or just here for the story, we've got something for you. Join us on Thursdays on your favorite podcast platform as we share experiences, dive into deep discussions, and maybe even spark a little fire of your own. No shame, no judgment, just real talk around the kinky campfire. Let's get lit. Welcome back everybody to the bonfire that is crackling around the kinky campfire. As you can see, we've upgraded just a little bit. So you can see my face again in real life, and I'm here for you today with another episode, and I completely forgot to get a drink, which I need to do. So this will be the tester episode, and uh we'll go back to the normal stuff next time. We'll see how this goes. Alright. Well, I am here today to talk about Headspace. Before we get into that, we do not have an ASMR five seconds, unfortunately. Unfortunately, just to remind you that this is around the kinky campfire. We have new episodes on the podcast from the podcast on all major platforms on Thursdays around noon Eastern time. And I am the honorable, the immaculate, the effervescent, enigmatic H H Julius Marquise, or just Julius, if you are feeling less fancy. And I'm here today to bring you something informational, experiential, not super intellectual, but I'll throw in facts as as needed. And uh, you know, and you can take that information and you can do whatever you want with it. That's it. Just do whatever you want with it. You can uh just uh ignore it completely, or you can use it in everyday life. I hope to not just be inspirational, but hopefully uh motivate you to move in a direction. One direction, try something. As you know, here around the Kiki Campfire, we like to uh inspire change. We like to fuck up, make failures because what house do you learn and gain experience? You gain experience by surviving failure. Alright, so we're testing video, we'll see how it works out. Hopefully, y'all still uh hang around for this and we'll see how it goes. And then uh my camera does cut off at uh 29 minutes, so I gotta keep track of my timer over here. Okay, so headspace talking about headspace. We're gonna talk about headspace before, during, and after scenes. What is your headspace like? Let's just talk about me for a second, because it's my podcast. So uh we kind of got into it last week with Shannon, Shannon Elliott, author extraordinaire of the Smut Lover Variety, or Smut Smut Lovers Conference, but smut variety genre of fantasy books, fictional books, fictional books, not fantasy, fictional books, and we were talking about headspace. So for me, I think I said this last week, but for me scening with somebody, let's just talk about impact in general, and and let's go with impact. There's so many different scenes. I know for me, I prefer to go into it in a stressless state, a more calm state, because I like to uh use that time as a stress stress-relieving uh type of activity. Hopefully I'm not being stressed out in any way, and that's why I prefer to see my partners specifically. Uh, and uh even if they are play partners, uh so for me that's non-sexually playing, I still like to use that as a stress reliever, and I let my partner know what kind of headspace I'm in. So that's what kind of inspired this talk today from the previous conversation before. Hopefully, y'all listen to that episode because it was actually a pretty good episode. Uh having a guest on there for not too long ago. Not not having not had a guest for a while, I should say, and uh being able to talk to Shannon in uh that kind of sense, because we talk uh not recorded conversations, so we know friends and we have conversations, and then we got to record that one. So headspace for me is hopefully a de-stressor, and then going into the scene uh usually takes me about a week to get ready for a scene, even if it's a private scene, public scenes is like two weeks. Oh, you better schedule that thing, or else we might not be able to do it, even if it's like a um sex sex negative, sex is not allowed dungeon space. Um, not even then I think it's a little nervous. The anxiety builds up. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna do it? Hopefully it doesn't go all to shit. And then uh oh goodness, yeah, the stress. I'm getting stressed now, think about it, ruminating on those situations. But I do it because I enjoy it and I find it fulfilling, especially with a partner. That's the whole reason why I go into there and do this kind of thing. And I'm looking down at my lapel mic, I just got this little lapel mic. So hopefully you guys can hear what I'm saying, and it sounds nice and crispy clear as it does on my other microphone. Otherwise, we'll be switching to the other microphone. We shall see. And then I don't know. Let me know. You message me on the Instagram, Campfire Kingsters. Let me know if you like this new angle and having video of the next day. So had our first tester video. I'm just gonna just tangent in a different direction, back to the other thing from or from the video from last week, and we're gonna talk about this week's topic after that. But first video, hopefully y'all enjoyed that. Went on to the YouTubes and checked that out. I need to make an actual announcement about that, but well, you know, just put it on the YouTube channel, see if anybody's listening. There are some podcast people on uh YouTube as well. I don't know if y'all knew that from the Spotify and the Apples and the Amazons that YouTube has a uh podcast option as well, and a lot of people put their video podcasts on there. So giving that a new try, getting ready for 2026 and moving things on up. Gotta make something special for y'all after the 100 episodes. Hopefully, y'all listen to most of that. Uh, new people, thank you for coming as well. Uh, this is a video podcast that hopefully you will see. And I'm not just talking to myself. Obviously, if you're listening to this, I'm not just talking to myself. And finally did it. Finally put the video up here, made the whole entire background. This is the bottom of a flag, if y'all can't see. I don't know where my arms get cut off at, but we'll see. I put a little lights on the back there, they change colors.

SPEAKER_00: 7:31

Didn't know that until I turned it on. I thought it was just white.

SPEAKER_02: 7:34

But, anyways, that's how that works out. So we test new things. And if we fail, we try again, take notes and try again. See how that works, see how that part works out. All right, so back to the topic: headspace. So we've been talking about it before, bringing it back up now. Headspace is a thing. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, uh private sessions, usually a week with partners, public sessions still with the partners, but two weeks. For me, private sessions, definitely stress, and there's usually some sexual activity that ends with it because I'm a big old tease and I like doing that with partners, especially. That's why I prefer to do it with partners publicly, may or may not be sex, depending on the space. I know for these sex less establishments or sex not allowed, sex prohibited establishments, usually focused on the play, but still got to build up, get there, and do a little warm-up, talk to everybody, make a little establishing motions and actions in the scene and or in the in the dungeons in the space before getting into the scene. So it usually takes me like an hour or two to warm up, check in with the partner, whoever it is at the time, let them know what's going on in my head. And you never know. Actually, there's no pressure to actually make it happen. So it might not be even a scene once you get there. It might have new information. Somebody says something, somebody did something, and now the scene's not happening. It's like, okay, try again later. I will say I'm not like a scene or a sexually motivated person. I know I've said I'm not an emotion uh emotionally uh sexually motivated person, but I'm definitely not a sexually motivated person or a kink motivated person. And so when I get there, if it doesn't happen, it just doesn't happen. That's totally fine too. It is what it is, but you got to check in with your partner. Make sure you check in with your partner leading up to the actual sceneing time. I will say that from experience, it makes the whole scene better, and then also you can you can just call the scene that night. Maybe it's just not happening. That's totally fine as well. I really hope you guys can see my face because I don't know where I am landing on this camera testing stuff out. Okay, and then after that, you know, you do the scene and hopefully you get the warm-up going and you get the heavy stuff, and then make sure you do the aftercare. We at the campfire like to be a proponent of aftercare. If you are cool with aftercare or you don't need it, that's totally fine too. Just make sure you negotiate that with the person you're playing with. Some people don't provide aftercare, but they do like to provide uh a scene itself, which is totally fine. I don't do that, not in my wheelhouse, not my motivation for doing kink and stuff. I like aftercare, that's another reason why I usually only play with partners. Let's just say only play with partners. I don't remember my last time I played with a non-partner. I don't, I just I can't recall. So make sure you check in, and I know I'm going to get emotionally into the scene. So there's usually some kink stuff happening, some arousal, let's just say that, happening, and then gotta do the aftercare afterwards, no matter what kind of scene it is, even if I'm being nice and doing wax, y'all are welcome if you get to experience that. And doing aftercare on the couch, then usually it's time to go home because I am drained even that night. It feels like just coming almost on a hangover or even drop before I even get home. By the time I get home, I'm usually tired. Partners usually ramped up, ready to finish the scene, if you know what I mean, finish the aftercare, and uh, you know, gotta provide that and then be able to go to sleep. Yeah, enjoyable experience when that all works out that way. It doesn't always happen, but sometimes it does happen. You know, you just kind of go with the flow. Hopefully, everything was planned out. Go with the plan flow. Hopefully, you plan stuff out and that happened. After that, and then the next day you gotta check for a drop and all, you know, all those different things. Do a check-in call if you don't live with your partner, and then uh hopefully they got the chance to relax, kind of do a regrouping. Do not forget that check-in call and regrouping, planning for next time, the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. Because stuff rarely goes to plan, no matter what people say, that just does not usually happen, and want to make it known that that is a type of thing that happens. You that it doesn't happen, it's not planned. Things that things happen that were not planned. That is the type of thing that happens, just putting it out there. Totally fine. We're assuming that nobody got permanently hurt. We do not like permanent injuries around here. It's temporary bruises, surface level um damage. That sounds terrible. Video game talk. I have so much more to say about this topic. Trying to keep it generalized for most people. There's very specific stuff that goes on when you get into a headspace type deal. Some people like to play music for their scenes, like when they do for sexual activity. I don't so much need it as much, but unless it's like impact, like a good steady beat, uh something with no lyrics, something you know, a lot nice long song, a lot of lo-fi stuff going on, a lot of pop stuff going on. I'm a big fan of city pop and uh like funk pop, stuff like that, and J pop, all those kind of things. Just a nice little beat, uh slower than most, so it just kind of goes with the flow, and you can get a little rhythm going, and sometimes the bottom hears it too, and then you throw the rhythm off, and they get all just like mindfucker mindfucked, it's all great. You can tell when they're just kind of relaxing a little bit, you can get in there, it's all about the non-verbals, that kind of stuff. Fun time, especially with the mind fucks, and you can mess with them if it's negotiated and consensual. People remember cancers, consent is sexy, like to tell people that because that is a good thing to have in a scene to make it better, just put it that way. Once you get in there, especially if it's like an impact scene or a lot of physical activity that can be very, very uh exhilarating, and then you come down off of that, you might have been sweating or something like that, so it's good physical activity.

SPEAKER_00: 13:34

Don't they say you burn like 16 calories for every hour you do kinky stuff? I don't know, I just made that up.

SPEAKER_02: 13:40

But you do burn calories sleeping, so as long as you're doing some kind of physical activity that's a little bit better than just like sitting around, I don't know, that kind of thing. Gotta look that up. What is the calorie count for kink? How much an hour of kinking can you do? Because I know for me, if I'm with a partner and we've played a few times, uh two hours can go by of an impact scene. You just all the way gone, all the way invested in the scene. You're going through four, five, six different toys, and you're giving time for each one, it's like two hours is gone, just like that. You don't even notice it. Oh, there's such a good, just like flow state type deal. I know for me it's very meditative, especially when you get into uh an order of toys that you use on a regular basis. Sometimes it's new toys in there, but once you know how to use a toy and you have experience bottom on there, and you can just get into the whole entire scene, hours can fly by. So I hope everybody that wants to experience that gets to experience that at some point because this is just a very joyous time. Uh, so good. All right, so I'm kind of worried about this camera. So this might be a little bit shorter episode. Hopefully, y'all got to see it, and then I'll be able to get stuff situated. Just want to go ahead and knock this episode out for this week. Um, not so much to give y'all like shortchange, y'all, but I want to make sure the camera's working and just to let y'all know if you're seeing this episode, the video comes out on Friday, so still new episodes on Thursday, and the Spotify and all the podcast distributors, including YouTube, and then on YouTube the next day, you'll hopefully see the video episode. So it'll be right here on my couch and with the flag in the back and the lights in the back. But that is all for now. Remember, headspace, talk to your partner, telling you good communication, solid foundation makes the scene so much better, and then you'll have your headspace. And there are some of us that it just so happens we will just be anxious and nervous every single time. I know I take great responsibility when I have somebody's booty in my hand. But yeah, that that is a great responsibility for me. And uh I want everybody to be safe. It's about mutual satisfaction, mutual satisfaction by both hands on the butt checks. Either this way, get a good grip, or just this way. Just both hands on the butt checks. Oh, just a juicy tush. It's great. Hopefully, that just you know, mutual satisfaction for everybody. Once again, grabbing boobs is mutually satisfactory for the person grabbing the boobs and the boob haver. Okay, oxytocin, the happy hormone that comes out is a scientific fact. Don't listen to me. Look it up yourself, talk to the smart people. But is just a known stud uh studied test, studyological research test. I'm just trying to make a new word there. Don't know if it worked, but it's research that if you grab a pair of boobs consensually, please be consensual when you're grabbing the boobs, that it oxytocin flows for both people, just to let y'all know. So that's a thing.

SPEAKER_01: 16:32

But catch us next time.

SPEAKER_02: 16:34

I am ignagmatic, h Julius, or just Julius, if you're feeling less formal. This is Around the Kinky Campfire. New episodes on Thursdays and Fridays. But that's all for now. Hello. That's a wrap for this episode of the Around the Kinky Campfire podcast. We love having you by the fire and we'd love to hear from you. Got a kinky question, a TV story, or a topic you want us to cover? Slide into our DMs and send us a message at AroundTheKinky Campfire, Campfire with a K at yahoo.com. Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening. Your support helps keep the flames burning and the conversations flowing. Follow us on Twitter, KinkyCampfire, CampfireWithAK, YouTube, Around the Kiki Campfire, Campfire with a K, or Instagram, CampfireKinksters, CampfireWithAK. To stay in the loop, join the community and keep the kick alive between episodes on Thursdays. Until next time, stay safe, stay sexy, and keep that fire burning.