Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast
Kink, Geeky, C-NM and all things in-between. Working to make Kink and Non-Monogamy no longer a stigma. New episodes Thursdays.
AroundtheKinkyKampfire@yahoo.com
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Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast
EP 47 | From Repression to Awakening: A Journey of Self-Discovery with Shannon Elliot
What happens when you mix a vibrant author, a love for smutty romance, and a passion for alternative lifestyles? You get an electrifying conversation with Shannon Elliott, who's as multifaceted as they come. Shannon shares her journey into the world of polyamory, swinging, and kink, offering insights that are as educational as they are entertaining. My alter ego, Mr. Criss P Bacon, is thrilled to connect over our shared love for the unconventional and explore the dynamic energy at events like the Smut Lovers convention. Through personal stories and a few laughs, we set the stage for an engaging discussion on embracing one's unique path.
Ever wondered how a repressive upbringing could lead to a late sexual awakening? Together, Shannon and I uncover the power of storytelling in understanding diverse lifestyles, highlighting the importance of authenticity in the podcasting world. We navigate the complexities and joys of alternative communities like BDSM, swinging, and polyamory, balancing academic insights with raw, real-life experiences. The conversation takes an introspective turn as we share personal tales and emphasize the role of education in dispelling myths and offering accurate representations in media.
Personal growth and self-care are at the heart of our discussion on solo polyamory and independence. With an empowering look at embracing "selfishness" in a positive light, we explore the importance of understanding personal energy and rhythms. Wrapping up with an exciting announcement for "Around the Kinky Kampfire," listeners are guided on where to find more content and join our enthusiastic community. There's optimism and excitement for future episodes, with Shannon promising a return, and a hopeful nod to the Law of Attraction for continued success.
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Shannon Elliot is a neurodivergent polyamorous bisexual Gemini who’s never made a decision in her life. She’s also an author of queer kinky romance--spank the rainbow, bitches!
As an author, Shannon believes that representation should be the foundation of the romance genre. We all deserve our own kinky, queer and maybe unconventional HEAs.
When she’s not coming up with fantasies for us to devour, she can be found hanging out with her co-author, Elliot, or hanging out at a club or kink event with her lifestyle community.
https://www.authorshannonelliot.com/links
Got a burning question about kink, BDSM, relationships, and/or navigating the wild world of alternative lifestyles?
Send in your questions. No topic is too taboo, no curiosity too small! We’re all making mistakes, growing, and exploring together!Submit your questions anonymously at aroundthekinkykampfire@yahoo.com or slide into our DMs at Twitter-KinkyKampfire, YT-AroundtheKinkyKampfire, IG-KampfireKinksters. Let’s keep the fire going!
Come let us know what you think on IG - https://www.instagram.com/kampfirekinksters/
Welcome back everybody to Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your host, and now it has been a while since I've given you a name. That is different than what I usually do. So I got to look on here and look at my list right now. Okay, I got my name, but I am actually not by myself. This is not a Pillowfort session, as you guys have seen for the last I don't know, like three or four months. It's a little bit different now, damn, we're doing all kinds of stuff now. So this is a work in progress, because I've never had somebody as a guest. Usually I'm talking to people I know for years and years and years. This is somebody newer that I have not known for very long, but we made very quick friends, I believe. Are we friends? I don't even know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we're friends.
Speaker 1:Okay, all Are we?
Speaker 2:friends I don't even know. Yeah, I think we're friends. Okay, all right, friend, will you go ahead and introduce yourself? Thanks, hi, I'm Shannon Elliott. I am a person of many identities, I guess. I am bisexual, I am polyamorous, I am a swinger, I am kinky and I'm also an author who writes smutty romance. I am a swinger, I am kinky and I'm also an author who writes smutty romance. So I'm just excited to be here to talk about all of the things that we had like several hours of conversation about when we met. But yeah, that's like the short recap of who I am, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yes, we will get into the deep dive. But yes, I met. I met shannon at smut lovers and you guys heard us talk about it last year on the podcast, I think for the first time, and then I talked about it by myself this year, like a couple weeks ago. So very informative. Uh, I, I knew a little bit last year and I knew more of it this year, and then I was part of the volunteer team where shannon was heading up and she did a wonderful job and we made quick friends there and then like, oh, let's do this thing, and then we can, we can, uh, talk more because, yeah, I was definitely like super, uh, like anxious and like excited and a lot of things were going on a lot of buttons and like flashing lights no, there's, it wasn't all that, but there was a lot of stuff going on, a lot of people talking like flashing lights no, it wasn't all that, but there was a lot of stuff going on, a lot of people talking, and it's like, oh, my goodness, we got stuff to talk about. So now that we are like a couple of weeks after Smut Lovers, we can actually like sit down and have a conversation, because I have a million questions for you and it's a deep dive.
Speaker 1:But before we get to that, I actually haven't introduced myself. So this is Mr Crispy Bacon. That is my name for this episode here. That is my name. As the capsters know, there's always a interesting name that I give myself and I'm going to cross that off the list. So there's a long list of names. It's always an interesting one, but officially you can call me HH, julius Julius for short, jules, however you want. I am the entertainment creative. That's what I'm trying to do, among other things podcasts, youtube, doing improv. Now I want to be a secret reader. I don't even know what it's called now the, the consultant reader, or something for all the sensitivity reader.
Speaker 1:Sensitivity reader. There it is. I submitted my form. I haven't heard anything yet. But yeah, all into this, the smut lovers, the smut book world. I'm getting in there and I'm learning all the different terms and everything like that. So bringing all my bdsm and non-monogamy knowledge out there and getting out to the masses, and I'm glad to see that everybody was at the convention wanting to learn and getting all happy, meeting all the authors, and the authors got to meet the readers and all that stuff. It's a great community. That's enough about me and my experiences. Y'all heard enough of it. Okay, are we? Are we doing? You want to do the 30 seconds?
Speaker 2:yes, I, I prepared specifically for this moment okay, good, so the the background.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you know the background of the asmr 30 seconds is because we like asmr here around here some people don't like slurping and drinking into microphones, because that's a thing that people that listen to podcasts and all those kind of things have issues with. But I love it and also I am a sponsor whore, so as soon as I can get a sponsorship for something, I will I'll whore myself out. I have no problem with that. We were hoping for like screwball whiskey, some kind of like liquor type thing, or even like a seltzer, or I do craft beers, so I'll do that too.
Speaker 1:But right now I am drinking a sparkly ice caffeine uh, zero sugar black raspberry. It's like a cheaper version of a bang, and that's what I'm doing now, because it is a school night and sometimes I record, like the pillow fort sessions during the day. So I was like I can't drink during the day or school night. I'm getting old now, unfortunately, but don't let that deter you alcohol people. You can still pay me. I will make good words for your product, whatever it is.
Speaker 2:So Shannon, what are you drinking? So I am drinking good old Dr Pepper. I am a Texan through and through, but I put it in a fancy glittery cup that says spank me like you mean it, and it has little booty cheeks on it with like hand marks on the ass.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 2:I thought it was very appropriate for tonight.
Speaker 1:You are very fancy Dr Pepper not sponsored. Do you want to like make your appeal, like make a little short little package to dr pepper or whoever made the the cup there for a sponsorship or something?
Speaker 2:I don't know. The cup is from some random market, like at a kinky conference. I'm pretty sure I got it at a swingers conference okay, yeah, shout out to the swingers conferences.
Speaker 1:we will peddle your stuff. I will. I will definitely. If you want to send out a sponsorship, pay me some pennies. I will broadcast your festival conference convention. Whatever it is for shekels, I will do it. Okay, so this is how we do it. It was a minute, now it's 30 seconds, but just go ahead and drink right into the microphone, as long as you can Just make it um nice and um frothy. I don't even know what's the slur. The slurpy, slurpy sound right up in there for the people asmr 30 second, five seconds in there. Three, two, one was that good, we're choking over here.
Speaker 1:Yes, um, dr pepper sparking the ice caffeine. Uh, if you want to sponsor this because we're not sponsored right now, that's uh, yeah, we'll be here. The socials are all over the place, which got to remind me to give me your socials and all that stuff so I can put it in the episode. It'll be down below Campsters, and then also you can go to Instagram CampfireKinksters Campfire with a K, always Campfire with a K Around the Kinky Campfire with a K Campsters. Go on there and then you get to see all kinds of stuff. We're starting the social media as kind of sort of like two-year, three-year process, but it's starting at some point. Okay, now, very seriously, shannon, who are you? What do you do? Where are you from? All those?
Speaker 2:different things, oh gosh. Okay, let's start with the where am I from, because that seems like the easiest entry point. Um, so I am from texas, um, born and bred. Um, hence my obsession with dr Pepper. It's just, I think it's practically 90% of my blood at this point who knows? But I am an author full time.
Speaker 2:I write queer, kinky romances of all sorts of varieties and my journey as an author is really kind of what led me to find a lot of myself in terms of my queer identity as a bisexual woman, in terms of a kinky person and all my interests there, and also like into polyamory and different relationship dynamics. I think that, like, my journey of like research for an author has really been more about my research into myself and my identity. It's amazing how those things overlap. People say, write what you know, and so it's like, well, I was writing what I didn't know, what I needed to learn about myself.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I am a switch in the kinky world. I like to top, I like to bottom, I like to dominate and submit, and I have so many toys that are just like waiting to be used or have been used. But then also within, like the polyamorous world, I am solo poly, and so I um just kind of exploring different relationships and connections with people right now. Um, no, like partners or anything like that. Um, and yeah, I don't know. What else do people care about?
Speaker 1:oh my goodness, yeah, okay, so okay, that's a great point to start there. Do you listen to any podcasts on a regular basis?
Speaker 2:I am not a huge podcast person, but I listen to Pink Pink Religiously, which is hosted by Princess Rara, who we also know from the Smut Lovers Conference, and then I listen to Buzzing About Romance, which is a romance podcast. So those are like the two main ones that I listen to Buzzing About Romance, which is a romance podcast. So those are like the two main ones that I listen to. There's a couple others that I will like kind of deep dive into whenever I'm looking at a certain subject and want to learn more. And then recently I heard about this really cool podcast called Kinky Campfire and so I've been listening to those episodes today.
Speaker 1:It's been really great oh, oh, that's a good one, I think good. Yeah, those ones that you named, they're all pretty good. Uh, so podcasts this is the reason why we started around the kinky campfire is because I listen to a lot of podcasts. That's a that's one thing I do because, just like you, I started the research thing. Oh goodness, I know it definitely picked up during quarantine, but, uh, I listened to a couple podcasts and it used to start. It started out with comedy. A lot of stand-up comedians started doing podcasts. That's, yeah, that's really what it was. Quarantine everybody was doing.
Speaker 1:Starting a podcast, like there's a huge startup like just to the moon of podcasts, which have recently just kind of died out, but there's still some that are there, and somehow youtube spotify, like whatever it is. I don't know why it was on youtube, probably because the video thing there I would I'd rather watch the video of a podcast and listen to a podcast, but now I do both. But it got into the algorithm where there's like more educational podcasts. So if you want to see somebody have like a really long conversation about like attachment styles or something like that, they'll the the podcasters will bring it like a doctor, smart person, you know, somebody with a degree and a piece of paper, go on there and they'll have written a book or something and they they'll deep dive into some kind of neuroscience-y type thing. It'll be kind of dry but it's like I'll listen for the whole hour two hours. However it is. Have you ever heard of Lex Friedman?
Speaker 2:No, no, I have not.
Speaker 1:Okay, so he's one of the guys that got really big during quarantine. He's an AI guy, so he's a super nerd, but he'll talk to all different kinds of people and ask them just like straight up questions, questions, questions, and it'll go on for two, three hours and he's very dry and very directly to the point. And I started thinking like, okay, well, I can at least do that. I'm not as funny as a comedian, or at least I wasn't then. I'm kind of hilarious now, and then I'm not as dry as the really smart people.
Speaker 1:So I'm like somewhere in the middle I was like, oh, maybe I could do a podcast. And then I got some people and you know some other people. Some are here, still there, and then some people aren't. But I was like you know, we can have a conversation. So you know, and we can have a conversation. So a big thing about podcasts is they want to know all those little minute details in a conversation form. And what's nice about podcast fans is they listen to other podcasts. So if you're listening to one podcast, usually you got like 10 others. You know some, you know some, you know like readers do for books, yeah, that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:So yeah, you get sucked into one podcast. You get sucked on the rabbit hole of all the other ones.
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly that's what happens, because somebody guests like I I know what like blew it up for me is somebody would be a guest on there and then they'd have a podcast. So I listen to their podcast. I'm like, oh, and then they have another guest. I'm like, who's this person? And then I found my guru, which is a healthy gamer, gg dr k. I've talked about him a lot but along with that research note, he like deep dives into all kinds and I'm like, oh, this, oh okay, this, oh yeah, I'm that. That makes sense. So, yeah, finding out of all the different lifestyles, being like into the bdsm, being demisexual, ace, and it's like, okay, and then that kind of just took off from there and now we're here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will say I love the episodes that I listened to of like around the kinky, around the kinky campfire, because there is such an emphasis on like, the educational portion. I think, especially from an author perspective, like there is so much misinformation that spread about BDSM, polyamory, swinging like, and I just love when people are both honest and authentic about telling their stories. At the same time, like actually putting accurate information out there. It's just so refreshing to have people just kind of like talk about what's meaningful to them. Um, and for me it's like kink and bdsm and polyamory are a big part of my life.
Speaker 1:So it's like when you mentioned hey, do you want to come on the podcast, I was like, um, excuse me, yes, I really appreciate your enthusiasm and, yeah, we might not be right all the time, but getting the information out there, especially rue, because you know, rue, she's a great teacher all all with all the different things and I'm just like man. It's tough because I don't want to be all in the uh, like the societal part of it and like making a joke of it. But I also want to talk about experiences in education and I feel like the more academic people, they do the research but they don't really live the lifestyle. I haven't met too many academics that are in the swinger community, in the poly community. There's a lot of people talking about it or they have all the experience but none of the academic stuff.
Speaker 1:And it's like, yes, we need both and, unfortunately, for it to pop off, you got to be just as tight, like a little bit entertaining at the same time, because people aren't going to, yeah, but I could go in a deep dive into all that stuff trying to get the algorithm to mess with you, whatever algorithm, and it's different for each thing that you're trying to put your stuff out on. It's like frustrating, but, yes, want to be educational and also give you the experience as well in an entertaining fashion, so we had to. Yeah, we've been working on that and trying to be professional at the same time, okay.
Speaker 2:Put a balance.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly. So to answer your question from like five minutes ago, podcast people I've learned to find out they like a conversation, so I would like to just do an interview type thing, but I'd resist the urge to do so and we'll try to have like an entertaining conversation about this. So that sounds great. Yeah, they love that. Okay, shannon, in a very conversational way, what is the things you were talking about? Any of the things we could talk about? How you got started with being an author? What? What initially started you on the journey? How did you lose your virginity? When was your first kiss? Like all those Like how far do we want to go back?
Speaker 2:OK, let's see how far do we want to go back? Okay, let's see, we could go back to when I lost my virginity at age 26 and the sexual awakening that I went on after that.
Speaker 1:Oh man, you just made me have like 10 more questions right there. Okay, what? Okay, so were you a repressed religious child like I was?
Speaker 2:Oh my God, yes, and it's funny because my mom still goes to the same church that I went to growing up. Um, and one of her like Sunday school best friends, um, has read my books and she is the guardian of my books and whether or not my mother's allowed to read them because she's like they're a little too telling and I don't think your mother needs to know all this information. So I grew up very like good girl, very repressed, grew up in the Methodist church, believed everything about like the what was it? The Band-Aid analogy, where they were like oh, you take off a Band-Aid and it's less sticky, and so it's like used and should be discarded, and all that kind of stuff about like female purity and things like that.
Speaker 2:There was a lot of brainwashing involved in that.
Speaker 2:And then there was also just a component of like not knowing enough.
Speaker 2:Like, the Texas education system does not teach sex ed in a way that is helpful to anyone, and so when it came to learning about like my body and sexuality, like, those were just not topics that were taught to me growing up, and so I didn't actually lose my virginity until I was 26. I was 26., um, and it was around the holidays. Um, and funnily enough it was with the guy that I thought I was going to marry growing up and that is no longer happening like whatsoever. Um, but it was one of those things where it's like full circle kind of church repression to like beginning of my sluts phase kind of thing. Um, because I immediately joke or like jumped into what I now know as like swinging unicorn hunting and went from sleeping with one man in December of whatever year that was, to sleeping with a couple in the next year, in like February of that year, to sleeping with, um, my best friend, her husband and one of their groomsmen the night of their wedding what?
Speaker 1:okay, all right. So, um, I don't know how specific you want to get. How many years ago was that?
Speaker 2:um, I'm 30 now, so like four years ago oh, my goodness, what a term that is fascinating now, four years later, I work at a swingers club and I like change beds, check people in, help out at the bar, like, if you want to talk swingers club stories, I have so many. So we've we really accelerated real fast wow, yeah, that's uh, that's yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are correct, that's uh, yeah, yeah, that's um, that's interesting, okay. So because I, I'm looking at you, I'm like I always like talking with like hedonists, because I never had a slut phase and being like now finding out that I'm more on the a side of the spectrum, I'm like, oh, that's why, okay. So I'm always fascinated because I'm very much voyeuristic, I like seeing people having pleasure, but I just like, okay, I'll be over here, I don't, I don't need to touch anybody, but you guys have fun and I'll watch you enthusiastically. So that's interesting. And I also got it was like 25, 27, like 25, 27 when I got into the bsm community publicly, because I was always one of those couch people on fet life, um, just kind of reading all the articles and like, oh, what's a munch? And then I finally went. I think it was 27 when I first, when I first started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, unfortunately, I like see, I went the opposite route of you. I there is a venn diagram of, I think, like swinging, bdsm and polyamory and they overlap on a pinpoint and somehow I exist on that pinpoint. But my journey has been from swinging to BDSM to polyamory, because in like I live in Texas and in Houston, where I live, um, there aren't public BDSM dungeons. So when I was starting to do research for um, one of my book series about like that, I was setting at a BDSM club. I was looking for places that I could go because it was a personal interest for me. I had always wanted to like go. I just didn't know if they existed. Well, houston doesn't have them, but we do have swingers clubs.
Speaker 2:So on a random Wednesday night I went to one of them, met a really lovely two friends that like I now have known for several years. They kind of took me under their wing and are the ones who convinced me to start working at the club I work at. And so it's like I found swinging first and then through that I was able to find other people with like kinky BDSM interests. And then, once I started exploring that like there's similarities, I guess, between like swinging dynamics and polyamory, and, like, once I got more into the BDSM community, I started to realize that, like, my relationship dynamics align more with polyamory than they do with swinging dynamics. Um, and so it's been a very interesting journey. I love talking about it just because, like, everyone has such a different one, and it's kind of entertaining. Not gonna lie, there's bowling pins involved, what?
Speaker 1:okay, yeah, see, now you got me intrigued. This is exactly why I like to talk. It's always tough too, because once you get into the lifestyle and you still have like vanilla family members or feeling vanilla friends, and it's like we're you've known them for years and you just start thinking to yourself after you've been in the life lifestyles I haven't seen you junk. This is weird. I don't know how, what, what your favorite position is like and we've known each other, you know, for like decades now. Because you just and it's like, oh, that's right, wrong group, I'm sorry we can't talk about this stuff and you start talking about like, oh man, the openness that is, that is like apparent with all the different lifestyles, that vin diagram that you're talking about, that doesn't happen so much in the vanilla world.
Speaker 1:It's like, can we talk about like emotions and what happened exactly? You know stuff like I can't really say vanilla anymore, but like hair pulling and spanking. It's like that's so common with our lifestyle communities that it's like weird when you can't talk about that with your vanilla people and it's like this is common stuff now. So, yeah, I'm very excited to talk about all that stuff that you're talking about. It's like this is common stuff now. So, yeah, I'm very excited to talk about all that stuff that you're talking about. It's like, yay, I get to talk to people about that. That was great about the convention when we went there. It's like everybody's, and then writing it in books what is going?
Speaker 2:on well, I always think it's interesting because, like so I mentioned that I'm solo, poly and, um, that came from me being a single woman in the swingers lifestyle. I'm a unicorn. I have a unicorn tattoo. I love my identity as a unicorn, I thrive there.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that I think is so interesting and like one of the things I want to really kind of eventually get into with you, is, like you were talking about how there's an openness to these communities and like a seeing about like your sexual kinks and like what positions you like and all those things. But there's also an emotional openness that's required to exist in these spaces and, like as a unicorn man, I have seen so many relationship dynamics for better for of people trying to navigate these spaces and the emotional maturity that it takes to do it well, and it's like not everyone is equipped yet to be able to navigate these spaces and I think that's why it's so important to have educational resources like this, like around the Kinky Campfire, to be able to talk about well, like what's the difference between unicorn hunting and like trying to actually engage with a third person, either in a sexual setting or a romantic or emotional setting? You know it's like you need a guide for that sometimes, and I'm happy to be your unicorn guide.
Speaker 1:Okay, on that note, I'm going to get a little bit annoying, shannon, because you said stuff, and around the kiki campfire we like to deep dive a little bit and, on definition, so what's solo poly?
Speaker 2:oh, I'm so glad you asked. So solo poly, by my definition and my research, is, um an individual who exists within the polyamorous community and dates within the polyamorous community, but does not have a primary partner or a nesting partner. Primary partner, a nesting partner, being someone that they like, what you would kind of consider a marriage, or like you have like certain responsibilities to another person, like family and kids. You live with them, those types of things versus solo poly is like you're kind of out there doing things on your own, um, and enjoying all the relationships that you get to engage in. Would you say that's like a fair definition or am I just totally doubting myself here?
Speaker 1:you know I'm saying I can't. Yeah, yeah, some people like to say I'm a lawyer because I like to debate, but I can't call a ruling on that one because that is your definition. So, yeah, I would say yes if, by your definition, that is correct. Yeah, uh, I just uh, for me it's the. Also, I don't plan on getting married or having a nesting partner and then also no kids with the solo poly type thing.
Speaker 2:So oh yeah why do you add that on? Because, like, I don't want kids either. But why do you include that as part of being solo polyamorous?
Speaker 1:the solo polyamorous thing is, uh, kind of you have a relationship with yourself. So some of us think that, like a relationship with kids is another type of relationship, just like family, ship and all those those different kind of relationships. However you want to call it. It's uh, it has to deal with a lot of the relationship anarchy, that no relation, there's no relationship escalator. The relationships are, they go however they develop, however they develop, and then that's it, it's the boy, that's a. That's a good question. They, they put it in.
Speaker 1:There is uh, it's kind of like the long-term part of it, because if you planning to have kids, that's like a life commitment type thing and then also sort of poly, it's like without the nesting partners and without the primary partners, there's no expectation out of relationships and also I'm a big one where I'm not planning on any of that stuff.
Speaker 1:But it's like my, my goal when I interact with somebody is not that end goal, no long term, it just develops how it develops. I'm definitely one of those people that's like, if the feeling is there and I talk to somebody, that could change. So you know, I'm an adult, so I'll have strong beliefs on very loose morals, even when it comes to all the religion and politics and even aliens I've put it all in that category Aliens and ghosts it's like I don't believe in it now, but if you bring me an alien I'll believe it. So if I've talked to somebody as a partner and they're like, ooh, I want longterm with you and then we can have a conversation about kids, I don't know if my I don't know if my mind will change, but yeah, that's not my goal. I'm not driven in that way.
Speaker 1:That's why I just say I'm solo poly, because I don't know about you, but when I talk to people that are thinking about polyamory, they're usually newer and they're tired of people always trying to move in with them after three months or lock them down and be, exclusive and it's like whether the person said they were monogamous or poly.
Speaker 1:It's like why are people trying to move in with each other after three months, like I don't understand this? Why is this a thing? So I say that to my potential partners I'm like you ain't got to deal with any of that with me. I'm not trying to do any of that. So yeah that's why I got to say that it's solo poly is different than the actual poly part of it, Kind of sort of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you want to know what I Googled?
Speaker 1:Oh, what did you Google? Is that the Google thing?
Speaker 2:I am a multitasker and so I did Google the like how the internet defines solo polyamory and like I think it's interesting because like solo polyamory and like I think it's interesting because like solo polyamory, for a definition according to the internet, is a dating style where someone has multiple intimate relationships while maintaining their independence.
Speaker 2:But you're right, it has a couple bullet points here about like what is included under that and it says like valuing their, valuing their independence, exploring sexual desires and experiences. But I think that the keys here that I really like are avoiding merging finances yes, um, not getting married and having children. And like thinking of yourself as your own partner. Like you said that and I really identify with that, because I think in some relationships that I've had, it's been very easy to feel like I'm sacrificing myself in order to maintain a relationship with someone and that ends up leaving so many people unhappy, whether you're polyamorous or monogamous. So I think that's one of the reasons that I really kind of came to my own personal identity as being polyamorous is just because I wanted I wanted my commitment to myself to be just as strong as my commitment to other people.
Speaker 1:Yeah and yeah, definitely with the independence thing. Like, I have no tattoos because the thought of something on my skin for the rest of my life potentially scares me, so that's another thing. I got a new one this week yeah it's on my wrist yeah, yeah and it writes, so it is a ghost writer.
Speaker 2:Nice, like, nice, I like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like that people can make that commitment, but it's like I, I get down to thinking it yeah, I like that people can make that commitment, but it's like I get down to thinking about it and it's like nope, I can't decide, and then like my stuff changes every 10 years so I just couldn't imagine. There's like something on there. But if you have something that like committed and that you identify with and represents you for the rest of your life, then that's yeah, go ahead. Yeah, put that's yeah, go ahead. Yeah, put that on there.
Speaker 1:I mean, you don't need my seal of approval, but like for me, I think probably, I probably will get like the ace flag because that's that's definitely something that's gonna be me forever and something I just realized. But with the independent thing, I think the big thing with having kids, that kind of you kind of lose your independence because then you have to live for your kids, so that's's probably tied in there. And then sharing finances is like anything that shackles you down like a good old ball and chain is like we don't want any of that as solo people.
Speaker 2:Anarchy, that's what we live for. I love anarchy Anarchy. I do think it's interesting, though, because when I think about solo polyamory and my personal relationship with it, I think a lot of people think that A I've heard people tell me that it's selfish to be solo polyamorous. I don't see the problem, because it's like how is me committing to myself selfish? It's, if anything, a selfless thing, because it means that I care about myself and I'm not dependent on other people oh well, hold on, hold on selfish.
Speaker 1:I don't see why that has a negative connotation with it, because you should really. Yes, so if you now see, this is where the smart people this is the smart people talking. Everybody should be a little bit of a narcissist. Everybody should be a little bit of selfish, because you should not, uh, commit yourself. You should value yourself over everybody. Don't over, um, like being a people pleaser. Don't extend or use up your personal energy at the benefit of somebody else. So you should always take stock of what energy you're using, whatever it is. You could just be volunteering, but don't overextend yourself. So there is a little bit of selfishness, because it's like the crisis on an airplane type thing when the mask falls down, put your mask on first before you give it to somebody else. You have to make sure you're good. If you're not in a good place and you're extending your, you know you're overextending yourself. That's not good for other people.
Speaker 1:So you should be a little bit selfish Take care of yourself, make sure your finances are in a good place, make sure your living situation is in a good place, make sure you are safe as a person, and then you know you got to have a. You get a little now when you get into. The bad kind of narcissism is when you start creating your own reality and you expect everybody to just believe whatever you say. It's like, okay, you're going a little far now, but you should have confidence in yourself. Carry yourself with a little bit of confidence and people will see that. So you should have a little bit of self like.
Speaker 1:I don't like it when people make that negative. Yes, I am selfish, thank you. Yes, I am good. Yeah, you see, this here there's. This took work. I had to work on myself first before I could go out there and I know for me, like volunteering for all the different, like conventions and stuff, I couldn't have done that like five years ago. I had to work on myself first before I could start doing that. So, yes, you are selfish and good for you.
Speaker 2:Thank you. I think it also comes across like when you are making decisions for yourself, for like purely yourself. It comes across in like the confidence and the other, like the ways other people perceive you. It's just yeah. I think there's such freedom in being able to say that like I am my own person, you know.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, be your own person, and then you know. If you have the capacity to help other people, then do that too. But that is your choice 100%.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I have no problem pulling a ripcord. I'll be like. I helped you for eight and a half hours. That's my limit.
Speaker 2:I'm gone, bye, bye I need to work on that a little bit. Um, we're getting there, but I think that's also part of just like this whole journey is that it is a journey. It's not a destination. You're not aiming for perfection, you're kind of just navigating as you go, growing and learning and, um, having a good time while you're at it, exactly. If it's not fun, why are you doing it?
Speaker 1:that's literally the motto of life right there. That's exactly it. If you're not having fun, why are you doing it in the first place? Just don't overextend yourself, goodness, yeah, okay working on that part yeah, I'm a big fan, like with the research. Also metrics like knowing if you're a morning person, afternoon person, all of that. There's so many tests that you could take. Like, I know I'm a dolphin, which means I'm an afternoon person. Yes, yeah, there's a lot of tests. There's a lot of tests.
Speaker 1:You can't see my face on the podcast but'm going where is this test? Because I am also a personality test person. Listen, I gotta go with my guru, good old dr k. Do you have you heard of araveda?
Speaker 2:no, how do you spell that?
Speaker 1:a r u v e d? A. There is a book which is on my audible that gives you the basics. It's literally just a manual. It's not even like good reading because it's literally. This is what you're one of, the you have one of these vatas and you're this type of person. If you were to have these physical traits, you're this type of person and it's like earth, wind, uh, water, and they have different names which I can't remember, but there is a era. I'll send you a screen clip at some point, because it's a nice little handbook that if you really want to read a science manual about this stuff. It's a specific type of lifestyle as well, and I got to find that dolphin test too. There's like dolphin bear, something eagle.
Speaker 2:There's like a star thing going on here. I love looking up things as we talk about things and there's like a star thing going on here I I love looking up things as we talk about things and there's like fire, air, ether, earth, water, and then like cohesion, light, transformation, movement, cold. You are sending me down a rabbit hole. I'm very excited about this because that is literally a lifestyle.
Speaker 1:that's something the buddhists and the hindis came up with and you if basically the way you were raised. So it takes a little bit of astrology but it like takes into your body type, your goodness, your blood type and everything you should and it tells you like you should be eating this at this time and these specific things and avoid these kind of foods and wake up to the sun in this particular position. It's you can make it your whole lifestyle to maximize your life and it's like, okay, you can take a little bit of it, you can leave a little bit of it, just like with BDSM, but it's yeah, if you want to maximize, it gets customizable, and so is this.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then, yeah, like all the yeah, it's like taking multivitamins too. It's like how much extra do we want to take? Yeah, all those different things, but anyways, that's the rabbit hole. My point is metrics. Nothing better than having metrics Taking when you lose your energy and when you gain energy, like being an introvert versus an extrovert, that type of thing. You know you've got to have time to regulate. Everybody needs time to regulate and you've got to know when your energy is, and you got to know when, when your energy is. So I'll pull the ripcord real quick now. That's just getting older and being more selfish, just taking the time for myself. That's all there is to it. Oh, speaking of which, you said another word what's a unicorn? What?
Speaker 2:oh, um, a unicorn is a single female in the lifestyle, typically bisexual although, like you could say that pansexuality and other sexualities fall under the umbrella but a bisexual single female in the swingers lifestyle typically, who plays with other couples. And so there's also a term called unicorn hunting, which is where and it's a very objectifying process I could do a whole lecture on it objectifying process, I could do a whole lecture on it. Um, but it is basically when you hear about couples and they're like oh, we want to add a third, and a lot of the time it involves, um, some internalized, like misogyny and things, because it's like the guy or the husband in the situation is like I'm not comfortable with another guy being involved, but we want to add a third, and so it's going to be a woman, and so a single woman, because they can't do it's a whole thing.
Speaker 1:But a single policy.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. Yes, one penis policy, but yeah, a single woman who's bisexual in the lifestyle, who sleeps with couples, is the bare minimum.
Speaker 1:What's the name for a guy that does that?
Speaker 2:A dragon.
Speaker 1:Ooh, a dragon, okay.
Speaker 2:Unicorns and dragons. So a dragon is a bisexual single male in the lifestyle who sleeps with couples.
Speaker 1:I always thought that was interesting. Why we got a difference? Because there are male unicorns, like in Legend of the fall legends it was the tom cruise movie, legends of the fall, or whatever. There's male unicorns out there and there's like female unicorns. Otherwise how do we get more unicorns if they weren't reproducing with each other?
Speaker 2:yeah, that that's an excellent question. Um, I I don't have the answer to that question. However, I choose to believe that unicorns are made of rainbows and like sweet dreams and wishes and things like that. It's like the sugar spice and everything nice. There is a very specific combination of, like, magical elements that create a unicorn, and every time that a couple says, oh, I'm, we're looking for a third, another unicorn, like is born, because clearly there has to be supply for the demand of all of these people I have not seen it yet, so I would like to see where this supply, this the supply, is coming from.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of demand, not a whole lot of supply from, if you go by reddit standards. So if so, if unicorns are made of that, then what are dragons?
Speaker 2:now some other mystical, magical properties. Well, we'll have to do some experimenting into that.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you what because, yeah, you see, now you're getting the nerd going in there, because if you look at like unicorns in fantasy, they're like the most deadliest ones, they kill everything else. It's just in the actual fantasy world. So that's very interesting that that unicorn thing came. Oh, my goodness, yeah, dark fantasy. Yeah, put that in there.
Speaker 2:I write dark romance. We can go with dark fantasy unicorns. I love that. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Cannibalistic unicorns out there. Oh, that's very interesting. Oh, that'd be, yeah, interesting. I'm going in a deep dive now. Okay, all right, unicorn honey. One piece policy, let's see here. Okay, we are like at the 40 ish minute mark. So since we've kind of hit a standstill, we've hit our episode limit for now. So at this point we can do like a part one and then we'll do like to be continued part two later. Is there anything you would like to promote?
Speaker 2:Sure, I'm an author why not? Um, so I mentioned my name is Shannon Elliott. I do write queer, kinky romance, um, and so you can find all my books on Amazon and things like that. Um, my social media handles are always at author Shannon Elliott. Uh, feel free to follow along on Instagram, facebook, all the places, threads I've been really into threads recently. Oh my goodness, it's another rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I saw that and I was like nope, nope, nope, we're just going to. It's like why?
Speaker 2:I'm not on Twitter, though, because like having gotten to that point, but yeah, you can always check out my books, which I really think are kind of a fun insight into some of the subjects that I feel like we're eventually going to talk about, because I do write queer, polyamorous, kinky romance, write what you know, and all that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly Okay, and I will remember to get all your socials in there and it will be in the link. The links will be in the descriptions. I know what I'm doing in the descriptions below. I'm just pointing down even though you guys can't see this, but it'll be below in the descriptions. And, um, give me like a little bio or something whatever you want me to put in there, and I'll put that in there as well. And then, um, cause your, your books are, there's websites for the books, so we'll put a link in there. We'll put the socials in there. I'm going to remember this and I'm saying it to myself so I remember for later.
Speaker 1:Okay, wow, it's been so long, I don't even remember how to end this thing. This is Around the Kinky Campfire. This is your host. I don't even remember what my name for the episode was, but officially it is. Oh yeah, crispy Bacon. That's my name, crispy Bacon, and you can also call me HH Julius. This Around the Kiki Campfire Campfire with a K. Always got to remember that because people keep putting the C on there. But you got to put the K on there and you can go to the Instagram for Campfire Kingsters Again, campfire with a K, the Instagram for Campfire Kingsters Again, campfire with a K, and these episodes come out most of the time on Thursdays on all the major platforms, so hopefully it'll be out every Thursday. We're going to say that and put it out there, because the law of attraction and all that extra stuff and that's pretty much it. All major platforms Spotify, itunes, amazon, all that yada, yada, yada, and hopefully we'll have many more episodes with Shannon Elliott, but that is all for now. Would you like to sign off or say anything to people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, just thanks so much for having me. It's been a lot of fun and I will see you again soon, in like two minutes.
Speaker 1:Two minutes for us a week for everybody else Hello.